The Adventures of Ken and McKenna

Reminiscing: Better Homes and Gardens Lunches and Brunches

2011-06-21T23:27:00.000-04:00

And now, all the way from 1963, I bring you the Better Homes and Gardens Lunches and Brunches cookbook, with both recipes AND meal plans. This will change your life.

Lunch is about being feminine and dieting, of course.

The opposite page, showing you a delicious "cooling patio lunch" complete with "Firecracker Plums," which are plums filled with cream cheese and walnuts and served whole, sandwich style. Can you imagine trying to eat that?

A perennial favorite is, of course, the mold. In this case, a "Bing Cherry Mold" that looks like...well, when I first saw it, I thought it was a pig head with Jell-O coming out of the mouth, but on closer inspection, I see that it is actually more like a felt hat with a blob of Jell-O bubbling through the top. What is more disturbing is the fact that the "Bing cherries" look like cherry pie filling rather than the "fresh Bing cherries" that the recipe specifies.

Although this might look like a gelatin creation, it isn't! This is a "Ginger Fruit Freeze," which is made of cream cheese, kumquats, dates, maraschino cherries, pineapple, and candied ginger, among other things. I can definitely see how this would be a great compliment to cheese-ham tidbits. I think my favorite part, though, is the glass with the wooden handle in the background.

I guess my nightly highball drinking isn't a secret anymore with the wonky scan of this page... Anyway, here we have yet another mold, this one savory and apparently "tangy" as well. This is a mixture of...wait for it...wait for it...beef bouillon and lemon gelatin! Also, tarragon vinegar, sour cream, and vegetables! I think it looks like a brain.

More molds! I guess this is what ladies who diet eat. This is one of Father of Ken's favorites, as I have mentioned previously: tomato aspic. But this is no ordinary tomato aspic--this one is filled with potato salad! Those radish garnishes look like the multi-headed beasts that St. Michael kills (yes, I've been immersed in scary, demonic imagery lately).

If none of the previous recipes appealed to you, perhaps you will be tempted by the "Sandwich Luncheon" spread:

I do love a sandwich topped with egg and served with carrots and celery in pencil cups.

So about halfway through, they dispense with the dieting thing completely and suggest this meal, which includes Fritos, "process cheese," and canned green beans.

I make my lunch every day and take it with me to the office. I get bored with the usual, but not to worry--this book has solved all of my problems. As I read the list, I would qualify for the "Career Girl" lunch, which includes chilled fruit, cottage cheese, deviled ham finger sandwiches, a fresh pear, a slice of jellyroll, milk, and grapes for a snack. This reminds me of the scene in Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion in which they are on the road to Tucson and ask for the "Businesswoman Special" at a roadside diner. They ended up with cheeseburgers, fries, and Diet Coke, which sounds WAY better than deviled ham finger sandwiches.

Read the paragraph at the bottom for even more swell lunch box ideas.

Love the photograph--the grape juice with a straw, the artfully scattered raisins, the giant pickle, and the green Halloween candy in the lunch box (seriously--what IS that? It looks like one of those toys you throw on a wall that is supposed to stick and then walk itself down the wall while glowing in the dark, not that I know anything about those.).

Oh, good. We're back to being on a diet again. However, I fail to see how a "cheese-stuffed frank" is going to help when I'm on a diet. Since I'm not into that, maybe I can get on board with the "Slim-trim Luncheon." Except that includes a pan-fried Baby-beef liver and buttermilk to wash it all down. Maybe I'll just starve...

Salad for lunch! I'm cool with that. Until we get to the tuna ring, which looks like human skin.

Are the "Strawberry-Cream Squares" supposed to look like the Christmas Story pink bunny suit kid has hidden within the creamy layers with only his ears sticking out?

Another ring; this time one that appears to be made of sawdust.

Lessons learned from this book: ladies should eat molds and Jell-O for lunch and "diet" lunch can include everything from cheese stuffed franks to plain beef broth. Also, the more unnatural the food, the better it is for you.

I leave you with the back cover:

Until next time, gentle readers...

Good Thing

2011-06-16T22:45:00.000-04:00

I just got back from being away for two weeks (one of them in Florida--yay!) and have very little food in the house because I haven't had time to go to the store yet. Thanks to Mother of Ken, I have a well stocked freezer. So, tonight I looked in the freezer and found some sliced flank steak and I came up with this:

I put the steak out on the table in the backyard to defrost while I did my workout and then tried to figure out what to do with it (I didn't have fajita ingredients, which is the obvious choice). Because it was 97 degrees here today, I didn't want to heat up the kitchen or eat anything very heavy. The end result of my scavenging in the refrigerator and pantry was sliced Yukon gold potatoes mixed with chopped marinated artichoke hearts, fresh scallions, parsley, and chives, and pieces of steak dressed with olive oil, champagne vinegar, salt, and pepper. Really good--you should try this. You could even make it without the steak as a side dish.

In other experimenting news, I was really hot and thirsty and I had some key lime juice that I decided to make into homemade lime soda. You should try this one, too ;-)

I started with a glass of ice and I added about a third of a cup of lime juice.

Then, I put in the same amount of simple syrup:

Top the whole thing off with club soda:

Taste and adjust lime juice and simple syrup as necessary. I am seriously considering never buying bottled pop (soda for you East Coasters) again.

I'm waiting for my leeks, shallots, garlic, and tomatoes to grow--hopefully I'll be able to keep them alive until they're ready to eat. Shallots and garlic look like they'll be ready soon, the leeks have a while before they're ready, and the tomatoes probably won't start producing much until sometime in July. The problem is keeping everything watered in this heat.

Anyway, make yourself some potato and steak salad and some homemade lime soda and come back soon for a long overdue "Reminiscing" post.

I'm Alright: Update

2011-05-04T20:34:00.000-04:00

McKenna was able to take the cone off today because they took her stitches out. She got a good report and has to go back in a week for another checkup. This also means that she gets to wear the new collar that Aunt Leah sent as a get well gift--it has crabs on it and she is thrilled, even if you can't tell from the photos.

This one shows the leg with the incision. Her fur is growing back and the incision is healing well.

I'm Alright

2011-05-01T16:42:00.000-04:00

So, it's been a while since I posted anything--my first year of full time teaching is almost over and, while I won't claim to have that much more free time, I do want to update my blog more often. The good news for the two of you who still read this is that my life isn't very exciting right now (if it ever was), so you haven't missed much.

After the crazy snow, we had an uneventful rest of February and March with the exception of a wild and crazy spring break spent in Texas and Kansas. McKenna spent most of the winter like this on my bed:

At the beginning of April, I was in my yard raking up those spiky balls that fall from sweet gum trees when I heard McKenna scream. When I turned around, she was on the ground crying and a squirrel was running the other direction. At first, I thought she was chasing the squirrel and ran over one of the sweet gum things and got a sticker in between the pads of her paw. She couldn't walk, so I picked her up and carried her into the house and figured that I would give her aspirin for the pain and keep her immobile until she got better. She seemed to get better and then she would start limping again and that went on for about three weeks. There was never any swelling, I couldn't find anything stuck in her paw, couldn't feel anything broken or out of place, no cuts, etc. Since she was due for her yearly exam, I took her to the vet and asked them to take a look at her leg.

The vet said that he thought she might have torn her ACL, but they had to sedate her and do some x-rays to really see what was going on. They told me that they wanted to go ahead with surgery if she did have a torn ACL so that they wouldn't have to sedate her more than once. So, the next day, she had the surgery, which is apparently a very common surgery for dogs. I was able to pick her up the following day and they gave me this:

Obviously, she was not pleased by the shaved leg and collar, but she was definitely glad to be home. She has to wear the collar for two weeks, which means that it will come off on Wednesday when she has her stitches removed. Here she is today, now that she's a little more used to her new look:

Aunt Leah sent her a new crab collar as a get well gift and she's been saving it for when she gets this plastic collar off this week. In the meantime, this has been an interesting experience--she had two antibiotics to take along with a pain pill and I think the pain medication made her anxious. We've had some terrible storms here in the past week and a half, including a night of tornado warnings. That night, I had to haul her with the collar into the shower in the guest bathroom, which has a doorway that is about 12 inches wide (the collar is about 18 inches wide, so we had to back in), and we had to sit in there for about an hour until the storm subsided. For the rest of that night and the next, she kept me up almost all night. She usually doesn't get too scared of thunder, but I think the medication must have made her nervous. I tried to lift her into bed with me and calm her down, but that just resulted in her plastering herself against me trembling and screaming with the plastic collar smacking me in the face. We eventually got about two hours of sleep and I was really grateful that I didn't have to teach the next day.

So, she took the last of her medication yesterday and is doing very well. We see the vet on Wednesday and hopefully she'll get a good report. The goal is to get her well enough to go to Kansas in two weeks, so wish us luck. I'll try to post an update on Wednesday after we see the vet.

Hazy Shade of Winter: Oklahoma 2011, Part II

2011-02-02T21:22:00.000-05:00

So, Kenna and I are still stuck at home and we have our third snow day in a row. I took this picture in my yard of the snow that has blown around--I thought it looked cool:

Today I tackled the driveway since the high winds died down. It is still very cold, around 0 with the wind chill, but I managed to shovel/sweep a path from the garage door to the street:

The layer underneath is ice with a little snow stuck to the top. I tried to shovel early so that I could put a layer of salt down while the sun was out and now I can see patches of pavement.

The official measurement here was 8 inches and thankfully, the wind blew a lot of it off of the driveway yesterday, so I had between 6 and 2 inches to shovel.

The streets still haven't been plowed and even though they don't look too bad in the photos below, they are very slick:

So, we have another day off of school because most of the roads are not safe to drive on. Of course, there are idiots who try to get out there in their four wheel drive trucks even though they don't need to be anywhere. I cannot tell you how many of those morons I have seen sliding around just in my neighborhood. Stay off of the roads so that they can be plowed and so that you don't get stuck or have an accident!

I really hope that we're able to get out of here by Friday--I'm getting a little sick of being at home.

Hazy Shade of Winter: Oklahoma 2011

2011-02-01T15:47:00.000-05:00

Well, gentle readers, it seems that even moving to Oklahoma did not keep us from having to deal with major winter weather. There is far less snow here than we usually had in New York, but under the snow is a layer of the Midwest's winter specialty: ice. Also, it is extremely windy, so we have very high snow drifts. This is Kenna this morning, ready to go out for the first time:

She refused to go any further than this:

I made her try again, but she was right back at the door one second later:

I finally got her to go out in the front yard, but she wasn't happy about it. She hates snow blowing in her face and the winds are very high, so the poor thing was having trouble even walking around outside. This is our front yard--the street is out there somewhere :

The garage--thankfully, the snow has been blowing in the opposite direction. I was worried that I would have a wall of snow in front of the garage door, but it isn't too bad.

The driveway that I have to unearth (unsnow?) at some point:

The house:

The drifts are in the back yard, for the most part, and they keep getting taller:

On the right side, that little handle belongs to my Radio Flyer red wagon. The rest of it is buried for now:

It looks like the snow is over at this point, although the wind is still blowing like crazy. I haven't seen any snow plows yet; I imagine that they have enough on their hands just trying to keep the main roads clear of blowing snow and it's difficult to treat the layer of ice beneath with winds like this. The sun is finally out, but it's not even 20 degrees (without wind chill), so I doubt the sun will do much to help the situation.

I really hope I don't have to dig myself out and drive to campus tomorrow--I tried to start shoveling the driveway, but that is useless because the snow just blows right back. So, I can't really effectively shovel until the wind stops blowing, which won't be until the middle of the night and I would rather not be out there at 5 a.m. shoveling so that I can teach my 8:00 class. We shall see...

Back Together

2011-01-16T23:23:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year, gentle readers! Thank you for your patience (the two of you who are left, anyway). One of my goals for the new year is to actually update my blog.

The past few months have been chaotic, to say the least, and they aren't getting easier, but I'm learning to deal.

So, first, Christmas at Ken's house and then Ken's house after she took some time to reorganize and clean things up.

Christmas tree:

Looking into the kitchen:

More of the kitchen:

The foyer:

Living room:

Fast forward to today, after I put all of the Christmas decorations and gifts away, cleaned, reorganized, etc. My study:

The kitchen:

Back in October, I had a garage sale to get rid of my old bedroom furniture and a few other things. All of the money I made went toward buying a new refrigerator for the house so that I could put the old almond one with the wheat stalks etched onto the shelves in the garage. Here are Father and Uncle of Ken at the garage sale:

And here she is:

So far, I LOVE it. I also love having a garage refrigerator, which is getting fairly full.

More of the kitchen:

Brother of Ken gave me a lot of herbs and spices from Penzeys for Christmas, so I had to reorganize the entire spice cabinet. I love to do this kind of thing. Baking spices are on the top, cooking herbs and spices are on the bottom, organized by jar size and then alphabetically.

The living room:

Moving on, Uncle of Ken's room, which is now home to my growing collection of vintage fashion accessories:

The Grandmothers' room (a.k.a. The Leah and M Suite):

My room:

And, finally, the built-in closet in the hallway, which I have posted about before.

Inside, it looks like this, which makes me extremely happy:

I love to have everything this organized and neat. This cabinet allows me to do this with all of my linen and I can open the doors and look at it anytime I want to do so. I think that part of the reason I am so obsessed with this cabinet is that it is one small corner of my world that is fully under control right now.

Anyway, that's all for now, but I promise to be more regular about posting than I have been. I love my new job, I love my new house, I'm getting settled in, but I have an ever-increasing amount of work to complete. Family of Ken had a very nice Christmas, which included a week long vacation to Charlotte, North Carolina and a visit to Biltmore Estate in Asheville. We had a great time, laughed a lot, enjoyed good food and good drink, and, most importantly, got away from our daily lives for a while.

Kenna and I hope that you all had happy holidays!

Boulevard

2010-09-26T23:55:00.000-04:00

I'm back, gentle readers, after an admittedly long absence. In the time I've been away, I've gone back to New York, packed everything, put it on a moving van, come back to Oklahoma, had all of my furniture and boxes delivered, unpacked most of it, painted most of the house, and, oh yeah, I've been working, too.

So, I'm really tired, but I want to get these pictures posted for all of you. That means they won't be in any real order, but since most things in my life are chaotic right now, this blog will just be a reflection of my current reality.

Here we go!

New bathroom light fixture, courtesy of Father of Ken's master electrical skills:

New faucet in the bathroom, courtesy of Father of Ken, master plumber:

The shirt I happened to be wearing to work on the house when I met my elderly neighbor, Mr. Martin:

The study with the new light fixture, but before it was painted:

Our makeshift "table" the weekend that my furniture arrived:

New kitchen:

The bathroom before we did some major work in there:

Hall cabinet with new glass knobs:

My bedroom before we painted it:

My temporary bedroom set up when this was all of the furniture Kenna and I had:

The second bathroom:

Cool stove/oven:

The garage with the old washer and dryer:

Empty living room with the chest of drawers that Mother and Father of Ken brought from Kansas and Kenna lounging around while we worked:

She loves to look out the sliding glass door:

My stove/oven lights up!

This reminds me of one of the "Reminiscing" posts I did:

Cutting shelf liner:

There was a lot of shelf liner to replace in this house...

Kenna looking out the door:

New knobs on the kitchen cabinets:

New rug for the patio:

Preparing to paint the living room:

Painting the study:

Putting my new bed together:

The small bathroom, after we took the medicine cabinet down and painted--the mirror and shelf will be hung soon:

My bedroom after we painted and put things back:

The hallway, after we painted (ignore my clothes drying):

The larger bathroom, with the beginnings of Halloween decorations:

Well, that's it for now--I'm supposed to close on the house tomorrow (this has been quite a journey, so I won't believe it until I hand the check over). I'll tell you the Tale of Two Closings another time, but I wanted to give you an update on what's been going on. We'll finish painting the inside of the house this coming weekend, hang things on the walls, and hopefully I'll finish unpacking things soon. I could never have done this much so quickly without the help of Mother and Father of Ken, who have been here almost every weekend since I moved here. It is definitely starting to feel like home and I'm really glad to have my furniture and TV service after several weeks without either.

The Future's So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades

2010-08-29T18:48:00.000-04:00

Gentle readers, this week I was required to attend "New Faculty Orientation." Generally, I don't mind these kinds of things as they often provide important information that one should know when working at a new place. The content of this orientation session (there are between 4 and 487 more of these that I have to attend) was fairly helpful, but the other participants were...how shall I put this? A study in academic stereotypes. And also incredibly annoying.

I was the second person to arrive about five minutes before the orientation started and I followed directions and signed in and took a seat. Shortly thereafter, one of the new basketball coaches arrived and we discussed one of his players who is also my student. So far, so good, right? Only moments after we were all supposed to be there, everyone else showed up. "Everyone else" included another one of the new coaches and Business Suit Bob, who does something in the business school that apparently forces him to be incredibly self-important. He strides over to the coaches, ignoring everyone else, and begins one of those ridiculous handshaking rituals that some men engage in. Then they all started discussing athletics, making the usual lame jokes about the success (or lack thereof) of this year's team, etc. Ugh. Also, no one seemed to be able to read the "Please sign in" sign in the doorway, so they all had to be reminded repeatedly to do so.

Then it got worse. Slicked Back Hair Steve the Nerdy Scientist Who Thinks He's Hot showed up and began leering at every woman in the room and trying to make awkward conversation. It really isn't that difficult--just introduce yourself, politely inquire about the other person's area of study, and perhaps ask where they went to school.

Right on his heels was Billy the Balding Math Professor, who began making lame math jokes the minute he arrived: "Wow, we've grown exponentially, huh?!" Dude--see my commentary on appropriate initial academic conversation above.

These two were followed by some older gentlemen who were quite nice, but clearly befuddled by the topic, which had to do with the use of technology for teaching purposes.

Next we had a stream of various people wearing stereotypical academic attire (linen is popular, also long vest-like garments, ill fitting pants, items that were fashionable over ten years ago, and my favorite, the big plastic academic glasses trend).

Oh, there was also the woman who is as annoying a "student" in the new faculty orientation as she probably was in grade school. You know--the one who bounced up and down in her seat saying "Me! Me! I know! I know!" about everything.

So, the session got started and we came to the topic of using Blackboard (an online learning system that you can use to make course websites, give exams and assignments to students, etc.) and Business Suit Bob clearly had something to say. Of course, he couldn't just raise his hand or say "could I ask something?" No, he had to sit there making obnoxious facial expressions at the presenter, obviously shift around in his seat, and sigh loudly. Finally the presenter said, "Do you have a question or a comment?" "No, not really. Well, I guess I'm just trying to............. No." She went on and he continued to be a jerk, so she stopped again to ask if he had something to say. Well, actually, he did. He had been sitting there thinking about all of this and he just couldn't understand some of the benefits and how you could preserve any kind of integrity with an online test. He could just see a row of frat boys sitting together on their couch taking a test together and how would we know and what would we do about it and wouldn't it be better to have them take the test in class and on and on and on. While he was droning on and on, Coach Two fell asleep and Coach One looked like he wanted to stab someone (Business Suit Bob, perhaps) in the eye with those curly topped toothpicks. My kind of guy. Maybe we should develop a special handshake.

Then we got to the part of the presentation when it was open to questions. People didn't really have questions, though, they just wanted to tell everyone else about the clever ways they had used Blackboard in the past and how superior their methods were to someone else's. Slicked Back Hair Steve continued to leer when he wasn't explaining the finer points of using Blackboard to assign and grade problem sets for physics and Billy the Balding Math Professor weighed the merits of creating two separate shells for one's two section course versus having both sections use a single Blackboard shell. Coach Two slept on, Coach One looked like he wanted a stiff drink, Business Suit Bob was mad that he didn't have the floor anymore, the older gentlemen looked increasingly confused, and the enthusiastic woman next to me seemed to be able to counter everyone else with an even better Blackboard anecdote.

Finally, over an hour later, we were released. The boys club (Coaches One and Two and Business Suit Bob) had resumed their BS conversation from before as I made a beeline for the door. Slicked Back Hair followed me out of the building, continuing to leer. Unfortunately, I will have to see this same group again several more times (which I will undoubtedly be recapping for the blog). I. Can't. Wait.

Boulevard

2010-08-23T19:12:00.000-04:00

Well, gentle readers, it has been a while since I last posted and a lot has happened. I packed up seven bags of library books to return to school:

Kenna, Father of Ken, and I drove from NY to Kansas in a car loaded with clothing and other stuff--poor Kenna didn't have much space:

On the road, we saw this trailer--notice anything strange?

Traveling got old after a while:

We made it to Kansas safely and then Kenna and I continued on our way to Oklahoma. Last week, I started my new job and my house/dog sitting gig and worked on getting things together for my classes. Then, Mother and Father of Ken came down on Friday night and we did some serious house hunting Friday night and most of Saturday. I'm now in the process of buying this house:

There is some work that needs to be done, but for the most part, the house is move in ready and the things that need to be done are all fairly simple. The house was built in the mid-1960s and it reminds me of the house that Grambi used to live in. It's on a corner lot in a quiet neighborhood and it has a nice size yard, two car garage, and a cute patio in the back.

This is the room off of the kitchen that I'm going to use as my study (all of the rooms are going to get fresh paint):

This is the kitchen, which has some cool 1960s features that I'll show you later. The cabinets will get new hardware, I'm going to pull the linoleum up and do something else to finish the floor, and eventually I'll probably replace the counters and backsplash. I'd love to get a new refrigerator, but that's probably pretty far down the road.

There are two full baths--this is the smaller one and it's going to need some serious work. I really hate the sink and light fixture and the toilet seat is one of those padded ones in dark green.

This is the bedroom attached to the small bathroom:

The master bedroom (there's a third, smaller bedroom):

The larger bathroom--yes, that is wallpaper border over tile. That will be coming off as soon as possible.

And now, for the coolest part--the 1960s stove/oven:

You should see the shape this thing is in--I can't wait to use it. It is a double oven combination with a pull out stove and a cabinet below:

This is in pristine condition and extremely cool. You push the range back in when you're not using it and I am SO EXCITED to have a double oven.

So, I'm hoping to close when my stuff arrives from NY or maybe even a little sooner, but it will be a fun house to work on and it has plenty of room for guests, so start making reservations today ;-) It will be totally different from my house in NY, but I'm looking forward to getting in there and settling in.

I'll be back as soon as I can with updates, etc. See you soon!

Steal Away

2010-08-12T23:03:00.000-04:00

Well, gentle readers, I promised to stop being so cryptic about what is going on around here and now I can tell you the good news. The house is sold and I have accepted a teaching job in:

I start teaching on Tuesday, so you can imagine the whirlwind my life has become in the past few days. Interview on Monday, accept the job Monday afternoon, begin the journey back to NY on Tuesday, get stuck in Detroit on Tuesday night, finally get back to NY on Wednesday afternoon, get a flat tire, try to pack the essentials, return seven bags of library books, say goodbye to everyone, write syllabi for my courses, write lesson plans, drive back to the midwest with Father of Ken...and the list goes on.

I'm really happy with the move--I'm ready for a change and this is a great job. Plus, I'll only be about 4 hours away from Family of Ken. This will be a huge transition for me and McKenna, but it is, after all, The Adventures of Ken and McKenna. While blogging may continue to be sporadic for the next week or two, I will document our adventures and share them with you as soon as I can.

Until then, read old posts, check out some of the other blogs on my list, go to the beach, cook something delicious, and enjoy life. Next time I write, I'll be in Oklahoma!

Reminiscing: The Wine in Your Life

2010-08-07T09:22:00.003-04:00

There is no date on this charming booklet produced for California: Wine Land of America, but you can probably tell that it has some miles on it. I really like the illustrations in this one (really, I'm not being sarcastic this time). There is something cheerful about them.

I am on board with these people--wine and a huge plate of cheese and olives.

Why are things so casual these days? I would love to attend a dinner party like the one illustrated on the right. Maybe I'll have to have a dinner party like this some day--bring back the formal dining experience...

Does wine taste better when you are dressed up? Also, I love it when people find a way to use the word "flourish" in reference to food and drink.

I totally want her outfit! Also, I have champagne glasses like these that belonged to my great grandparents and I love to use them. They make me feel like I've been transported back in time.

Ahhhh...I love wine.

Reminiscing: Deluxe Osterizer Recipes

2010-08-05T21:07:00.000-04:00

Well, gentle readers, the whirlwind of my life continues and I'm on my way out of town for the weekend. I promise to stop being so cryptic and explain everything soon. In the meantime, I've prepared a few new "Reminiscing" posts for you to enjoy over the weekend.

Let's begin with this cookbook from 1963:

This one is full of a lot of the kinds of recipes you would expect from a cookbook that comes with a blender, so I haven't pulled out too many pages to make fun of. This one, however, I could not let pass without comment.

As if the stuffed bunny isn't creepy enough (I have issues with bunnies--long story), the food is horrifying. The basic idea here is to cook for your family and then blend the crap out of whatever you're eating and give it to your baby. Check with your doctor first, though. The food in the photograph isn't identified, but I can assume based on the accompanying recipes that this is a main course of pureed raccoon braised in Two Buck Chuck accompanied by sides of dog food and pureed orange Nerf balls.

If your child survives the introduction of solid foods based on these recipes, you might consider serving something like this for a fancy dinner:

The piece de resistance of this spread is the "Green and Gold Rice Ring" with mushroom filling.

If that ring doesn't strike your fancy, perhaps you should try the "Cranberry Mold" instead:

Soup. That is some horrible-looking soup. It looks like it would taste like Bridget Jones' blue soup.

I wish this one had more pictures--I'm sure that some of the recipes are more disgusting in photographs than they sound in print.

Check back over the weekend for The Wine in Your Life.

Still

2010-08-01T21:17:00.001-04:00

After almost two weeks of solid chaos (snake removal, house showings, traveling, attempts at professional advancement, etc.), I finally thought that I could spend a day or two like this:

Still, quiet, calm...

I was also in need of some comfort food and some time in the kitchen, so I made chicken breasts breaded with ground almonds and whole wheat breadcrumbs along with mashed potatoes and fresh green beans and a side of cherries:

Grambi sent me a cherry pitter for my birthday, so after I pitted cherries for dinner, I pitted the rest of them for cherry pie.

Grandmother of Ken is fond of telling the story of how her mother made a beautiful fresh cherry pie when they had Grandfather of Ken over to the house for the first time. Everyone admired the pie and couldn't wait to take a bite, but when they did...they found out very quickly that she had forgotten to pit the cherries. Of course, it wasn't a total loss--everyone just ate around the pits.

On Saturday, I made mini cherry pies in my little pie pans. Just use your favorite recipe for crust or a store bought crust and fill with four cups of pitted cherries mixed with a tablespoon and a half of flour and a quarter cup of sugar, divided between three or four mini pie pans. Dot the tops of the pies with small pieces of butter before you put the top crust on. Bake at 375 until the crust is golden brown (probably 30-40 minutes).

This is really good, although I think I would cook the cherry mixture separately before filling the pie just to soften the cherries a little more. I might also add a splash of lemon juice for a flavor contrast.

So, for reasons that I can't yet divulge to the general public, my weekend turned out to be far less relaxing than I had hoped. I managed to find a few moments of peace and McKenna spent most of her weekend stalking a baby bunny that has taken up residence in our yard. Here she is letting the bunny know who's in charge around here:

She never moved any closer to the bunny than this, but she gave it the meanest stink eye you ever saw. I don't think the bunny noticed...

We're Not Gonna Take It: Horrible Driving

2010-07-27T21:29:00.001-04:00

I haven't written a "We're Not Gonna Take It" post in a while and my recent road trip to Maryland and back provided me with the perfect subject for this installment. I have often said that my life would be much easier if everyone learned to drive from Father of Ken, but since many people seem to have learned to drive from people who have their heads up their you-know-whats, I will share Father of Ken's driving wisdom in the hope that they may learn to drive properly.

Let's begin with average driving around town. Here are some simple rules to follow:

1. Use turn signals. They exist for a reason. If you need help with this, see this diagram.

2. Speed limits exist because the appropriate authorities have determined that it is safe to travel at a certain speed. Unless you are driving in inclement weather or your car is about to blow up, at least drive the speed limit and no slower. Most people are on the road because they are going somewhere and they don't build thirty minutes into their schedules to putter after you while you poke along. On the other hand, please do not drive 20 mph over the speed limit and tailgate those who prefer not to get speeding tickets.

3. The four way stop. This is not as difficult as people make it out to be. Here's how it works: pull up, stop, see who else is there. When those people have gone, it is your turn. Do not attempt to go before it is your turn and for the love of God do not sit at the intersection at a dead stop staring at everyone else in terror until the sun goes down.

4. If you wish to multitask in the car, please limit yourself to two tasks at a time. Drive and talk on your phone, drive and smoke, drive and change the radio station, etc. Do not attempt to drive, talk on the phone, smoke, change the radio station, paint your toenails, and balance your checkbook all at once. Some of us value our lives.

Now, here are some pointers on highway driving.

1. As you enter a highway, please do not pull out in front of someone who is already on the highway. Wait two seconds for the person to pass and then pull out. You are no more important than anyone else. If you are attempting to merge onto a highway from an on ramp, please do not come to a dead stop at the end of the ramp unless it is absolutely necessary. The whole point of the on ramp is to allow people to merge into traffic while accelerating so that no one has to come to a stop.

2. Once you are on the highway, if it has more than a single lane in each direction, you cannot just randomly choose which lane to use. The far right lane is for driving. The left lanes are for passing. Not that difficult. Please do not drive slowly in the left lane when the right lane is completely clear. When you have passed someone, move into the right lanes so that others may pass you if they wish to do so. Part of the point of the interstate system, specifically, is to allow people to travel longer distances at consistently high speeds. Generally, I should not have to brake on the interstate. I should be able to set my cruise control and go. Side note: when the road is crowded, have some patience, people with lead feet. If there is someone in front of me, I can't go any faster. Tailgating me is not going to do anything but increase your chances of getting into an accident that will be your fault. I promise to move into the right lane as soon as I can.

3. Use signals when you merge. Otherwise, how am I supposed to know where you want to go or what you are doing? Once you have merged, though, turn the signal off.

4. Try to maintain a consistent speed. It is so annoying and difficult to drive on a highway or interstate with someone who goes from 30 to 70 and keeps passing you, then slowing down, then passing again. If you have cruise control, try it. You might like it.

5. Be kind to truck drivers. These guys never did anything to you. Understand that it takes them longer to slow down, speed up, etc. Don't tailgate them. Allow them some space when there is road construction. Let them merge in front of you when everyone has to form a single lane.

6. If you want to travel the country in an RV, practice driving it first! The same goes for driving with a trailer. No one wants to try to share the road with someone who doesn't know how to safely control a large and dangerous vehicle.

7. Generally, try to remember that you aren't the only person on the road. If highway or interstate driving makes you so uncomfortable that you end up driving 30 mph on a 65 mph highway with your turn signal on for half an hour after you have merged and slamming on your brakes repeatedly for no apparent reason, you might want to find another route. Others have places to be and things to do. Maybe if we could all be a little more respectful and follow the same set of rules, driving would be easier and less frustrating.

Some Guys Have All the Luck

2010-07-21T17:52:00.000-04:00

I spotted this gem in the K-Mart parking lot yesterday when I took Kenna to get a pedicure at PetsMart. It was one of those moments when I looked and thought, "Oh, a school bus." "Wait, that's more than a school bus." "Holy crap, that is one busted up school bus!" Click on the photos to enlarge them:

The back--sort of a combination porch/raised trailer. The trailer park ambiance follows this contraption wherever it goes.

The other side--the writing says: "Endeavoring to keep the Unity of Spirit Through the bond of Peace." Whatever that means...

Do click on the last photo at least and check out the camper top that is STUFFED full of crap. This is hoarding on wheels.

Sleeping Snakes

2010-07-21T17:22:00.000-04:00

Gentle readers, it has been a harrowing week for Ken and McKenna. On Monday, I found a snake skin in the laundry room and, upon further inspection, I was fairly certain that there was a snake coiled up in the corner. Since I couldn't see it very well and had no idea what I was dealing with, I decided to call for help. Jason the Snake Remover wasn't able to come until Tuesday afternoon, so Kenna and I sequestered ourselves in my bedroom until he could get here and find the snake.

Of course, Tuesday just happened to be a day that I had an open house scheduled and, when I called the realtor to tell her about the snake, she informed me that she had just received a phone call from another agent who wanted to show the house on Tuesday afternoon. The buyer was only able to see the house on Tuesday and she wanted to come, snake and all.

As I suspected, Jason the Snake Remover arrived just after the realtor and her client, so it was kind of a mad house around here. While they looked at the house, Jason, Kenna, and I worked on the snake problem. Based on the snake skin, Jason thought I had a fairly good size snake (maybe a rat snake) traveling between the laundry room and the basement. He did assure me that the snake was not venomous and he also told me that I didn't have an infestation (thank God!). Unfortunately, the snake had disappeared, so all we could do was put some traps out in the laundry room, basement, and outside of the laundry room to catch whatever snakes we could.

Snake skin in the yard, where Jason left it (I have no plans to move this sucker):

The plan of attack is to put these traps out, catch whatever is living here, remove it from my property and release it far away, then close the points of entry, and spray snake repellent around the perimeter of the house and the property. For what we're paying to have this done, we get a three year transferable warranty, so any time there is a snake or snake skin in the house, Jason comes back and takes care of it free of charge.

The outside trap:

One of the laundry room traps:

I would pay a million dollars to have Jason fix this problem--I do not care how much it costs, I just want the snakes gone! So, Jason left at about 6:30 and by 6:50/7:00, I heard a rustling noise when I put clothes in the dryer. We had one. When I called Jason to tell him, he couldn't believe we had one so fast. So, he came back this afternoon to move our laundry room guest to a new abode and while he was here, he checked the other traps. We had another one in the basement, so he left with a water snake and a milk snake. He's coming back tomorrow morning to check the traps again.

In other animal news, I saw a doe and three baby deer in the creek the other day--they are a lot cuter than the snakes and they stay far away from the house.

Stay tuned for snake updates--hopefully, these two are the only ones living here and the plan to snake-proof the house will proceed quickly. I haven't really slept for the past two nights knowing that a snake was in the house and I haven't eaten a full meal either because I don't want to spend too much time in the kitchen. Hopefully tonight I will get to eat a decent meal and sleep for a solid 8 hours.

Two Tribes

2010-07-18T21:25:00.000-04:00

Before I get to the main topic of this post, Mother of Ken's Double Chocolate Pie, here are some photos of last night's thunderstorm:

The light was so strange during this storm between the sun setting and the storm clouds, everything was a strange acid orange color that freaked me out a little.

Anyway, on to the pie. I have to take something to eat after a meeting tomorrow night and I wanted to make something cool, so I decided to make Mother of Ken's Double Chocolate Pie. I love this pie, but I don't make it very often. I guess if I did, it wouldn't be so special...

So, this takes several steps, beginning with baking a 9 inch pie shell and letting it cool.

The next step is the meringue layer. Combine two egg whites (save the yolks for the chocolate part), 1/2 tsp. white vinegar, 1/4 tsp. salt, and 1/4 tsp. cinnamon in a bowl. Beat with an electric mixer at high speed until foamy. Gradually add 1/2 c. sugar, beating until the egg whites form stiff, glossy peaks. Spread the meringue on the bottom and up the sides of the pie shell. Bake at 325 degrees for 15-18 minutes or until it is golden brown. Cool on rack.

For the beginning of the filling, melt 6 ounces of chocolate chips and let cool. Combine the cooled chocolate, 2 egg yolks, and 1/4 c. water and beat well with a whisk. Spread 3 tablespoons of the chocolate mixture over the bottom of the meringue layer.

Whip 1 c. heavy cream until it begins to thicken, then add 1/4 c. sugar and 1/4 tsp. cinnamon, beating until stiff peaks form. Spread half of the cream mixture over the first chocolate layer.

Fold the remaining chocolate mixture into the remaining cream mixture. Spread evenly over the cream layer. Cover and refrigerate for four hours or until set.

Yummy! I am having a really hard time not eating this before the meeting...

Reminiscing: 500 Tasty Sandwich Recipes

2010-07-15T21:32:00.000-04:00

And an extra end of the week treat, 500 Tasty Sandwich Recipes. This one was published in 1952, a time when limp celery stalks were considered to be the most sophisticated garnish.

Let's get this party started with a fabulous sandwich tray and some shots of tomato juice! "With deftness and imagination in garnishing, this dazzling array can be prepared from a few simple fillings and spreads." Presumably, these include chicken liver sandwiches, chicken and egg sandwiches, cottage cheese and egg sandwiches, cottage cheese and jelly sandwiches, and egg and anchovy spread.

Welcome to the wonderful world of sandwich butters, which you can use to create delicacies like this:

For your next party, don't forget that "flavorful prune bread makes tempting cottage cheese sandwiches."

Mmm...tasty. How do you get cheese to melt like that anyway?

This, gentle readers, just may be an example of the worst food photograph ever taken:

Bacon cheese rolls on the top and cornucopia sandwiches on the bottom right:

Sandwich loaves are always some of my favorites, especially when they are frosted with cream cheese and made to look like tiny cakes:

Wondering what is going on in the top right photo? Well, gentle readers, that is a sandwich loaf frosted with cream cheese and then sprinkled with egg yolks!

Closed sandwiches might be more your style. If so, might I suggest the "Man's Delight" or the "Baked Bean Sandwich"?

We've got some real classics here: tongue sandwiches, ham and prune sandwiches, and Jack Horner sandwiches. It's always fun to cut them into shapes, too.

I have tried to find a recipe that might shed some light on the atrocity in the bottom right corner, but I still can't figure out what that is supposed to be other than an open faced sandwich. It looks like asparagus spears piled onto sandwich bread with melted Fruit Rollups on top--that can't be, can it?

Nothing like an "Open-Faced Ham Surprise," is there? Plus, "asparagus tips make these crowns as gay as a new spring bonnet."

Now we're getting serious--double-deckers and triple-deckers! Nothing like a club sandwich smothered in cheese sauce, especially if it is a liver sausage club. Look at the recipe for "Pyramid Sandwiches." In a single (albeit tall) sandwich, you could eat bread, butter, chicken, Russian dressing, lettuce, eggs, mayonnaise, salt, pepper, tomatoes, cucumber, cream cheese, olives, anchovies, watercress and radishes.

I know I can't wait to make a sandwich now--how about you?

Coming soon: Oriental Cookery and 250 Ways to Prepare Meat.

Reminiscing: Barmate--Home Bartenders' Guide to Expert Drink Mixing

2010-07-15T20:50:00.000-04:00

Okay, so this one isn't so bad (except for the illustrations and lame captions), but it certainly transports one back to an era when roosters were common centerpieces and Big Foot attended cocktail parties wearing glasses and a bow tie.

Now, I wasn't alive in the 60s, so I'll have to ask those of you who were to answer this question. With all of the hairspray that is obviously required to secure those hairstyles and all of the smoking going on (not to mention the fireplace), this seems like a recipe for disaster. Were there many small household fires caused by the combination of hairspray and cigarettes?

Lame cartoon #1:

Lame cartoon #2 and an admonition not to use "powdered" sugar in cocktails:

Ahahahahahahahahahahaha...lame cartoon #3:

Lame cartoon #4 for the geriatric crowd:

Straight from Sardi's:

Some recipes for you:

Lame cartoon #...I lost count... I want to try the Scarlett O'Hara, though.

More recipes, and this page looks like it has seen some action:

Like these glasses? You can buy them for $3.50 a set!

Reminiscing: Body Building Dishes For Children

2010-07-11T08:15:00.002-04:00

One of my gentle readers inquired about how I come to be in possession of these cookbooks after my last "Reminiscing" post. It all began with a special selection of cookbooks given to me by Aunt and Uncle of Ken for Christmas two years ago. Since then, Mother of Ken and various other relatives and family friends have contributed to the stack. I also look for these gems at flea markets and antique stores. I believe that today's offering comes to us from the antique store up the road from my house and it may be the worst one to date.

So, without further ado, I bring you:

Back in 1952, this is how the Culinary Arts Institute believed children should be fed--let's hope this cookbook wasn't a bestseller.

The captions for these photos are quite something. For the top left photo: "A pottery casserole all his own for baked cereal is quite apt to coax the young man to eat." For the bottom left photo: "Here is a substantial luncheon dish for healthy, husky appetites."

As if those aren't bad enough, the opposite page has a recipe for "Cream of Salmon Soup," the appearance and texture of which I cannot imagine.

"When prospecting for minerals, consider the oyster, rich in iodine, iron and copper." The photo of the oyster stew is so awful that it seems impossible to top, but then there's the next page. Vienna sausages dotting the top of the lima bean chowder and recipes for "Liver Vegetable Soup" and "Liver Soup."

"Poached eggs in croustades on the holiday table make even the snowman bounce with glee." The snowman only has one eye. That snowman doesn't care about the poached eggs--he wants to find a stuffed green olive to stick on his face! He also looks like he has overindulged in egg nog--perhaps that's how he lost his eye?

I can't decide which is scarier--the snowman or this:

"For a really hilarious dinner nothing equals this schoolmate of Donald Duck." "Hilarious" isn't the word I would use to describe that hideous creature. How about "grotesque" or "atrocious"? Hey, Mother of Ken--I have an idea for a centerpiece at our next family dinner...

"For an afternoon of serious roller skating or cycling, fill up tummies with this hot planked fish and vegetable dinner." Good luck getting anyone, let alone a kid, eat that pile of brain matter and eyeballs.

If that doesn't work, try some good old fashioned liver. "Liver is your most valuable source of vitamin A and for once-a-week appearance, bake it often and serve with high-vitamin vegetables." The same page has recipes for kidneys and hearts, so if one organ doesn't tempt their taste buds, perhaps another one will.

On the vegetable front, there's nothing better than artichokes stuffed with...I can't even describe that chunky, gooey filling. If nothing else works, you can always put vegetables in a ring mold, which makes everything more appetizing, no?

Some kind of hash? Those eggs remind me of the summer that I went to art school and we learned how to make things out of this special clay-like substance that you had to bake in the oven. I made Mother of Ken (who hates eggs in any form as do I, so I still don't know what inspired me) egg earrings that looked just like these eggs. For posts, I used paper clips. She never wore them ;-(

I don't know what any of this is supposed to be, but does anyone else see the sad, deformed face of the Gingerbread Man from Shrek in that top right photo? Just me?

Mmmm... "Peas cooked in lettuce." I understand that those white blobs in the bottom right photo are mashed potatoes, but what else is in that dish?

Sandwiches...made with liver and liver sausage on a bed of cottage cheese? And what is with the turkey cookies? Why are they such different colors?

"Zucchini boats with a cargo of buttered crumbs and tomatoes will tempt even the sleepiest." What does that even mean? And why did they waste bacon?

Bottom right--bunny salad. Don't all children want to dig into bunnies that look like those mice that people buy for their cats to play with? How about some "Clown Salad" or "Duck Salad" or "Jack-O'-Lantern Salad" or "Poinsettia Salad"? The basic idea seems to be to combine a random can of fruit with some cottage cheese and marshmallows and perhaps a little something green like lettuce and then to give it a seasonal name.

This caption says it all (top right photo): "Food for the youngest must not be chilled but the others feel very grown up with prunes and cream nestled in cracked ice." The photo makes it look like vanilla ice cream topped with some blood clots.

Remember the episode of Seinfeld in which Susan brings her doll collection to the apartment she shares with George? One of the dolls looks like his mother and the rest are scary as hell--that's all I can think of when I look at these photos. And check out the shadowy creeper in the bottom right corner...

Children of the 1950s, if you were expected to eat any of this, I am very sorry and I hope that you were not permanently scarred by the one eyed snowman centerpiece, the "mock duck," or a creepy doll display presiding over your dessert.

Trying to describe the photos in this cookbook has made me realize how limited my medical vocabulary is.

Cruel Summer

2010-07-10T20:00:00.001-04:00

Today is the first day since Monday that I have not felt the need to take a minimum of two showers and I haven't sprayed myself with my spray bottle of water once. While it was so hot, it was difficult to find anything to eat in my house that didn't require a heat producing appliance. Finally, I made it to the store and replenished my supply of cool foods. Weather this hot and humid calls for gazpacho and I use a recipe given to me by an Andalusian woman that I lived with in Seville.

Gloria gave me her recipes from memory, so there really aren't any exact measurements. I just listened to her, watched her, and tasted the food, so I'll give you the measurements that I use.

10 medium tomatoes (I peeled and seeded them)

1 c. chopped cucumber with the seeds removed

2 cloves of garlic

2 tbsp. chopped shallot

1/2 c. white bread (no crust)

You can also use some bell pepper, but raw bell peppers are not my friends, so I leave them out.

Salt and pepper to taste

A splash of red wine vinegar and a drizzle of olive oil

I put everything in my blender (you can do this in batches if you prefer) and blend it until it is smooth. I am not a fan of chunky gazpacho and the bread helps to thicken and smooth it--this tasted so good with a little bread spread with Boursin. Simple, light, flavorful--this is one of those dishes that isn't complicated and shouldn't be made to be complicated.

After waiting all day for the promised rain, we finally got a break last night. Here is the creek by Friday afternoon (after four days of temperatures over 100 degrees):

The sky got dark, the clouds rolled in, and we could hardly wait for the rain to begin:

As the house began to cool down, I was finally able to do all of the cleaning that I hadn't been able to do all week. Who wants to use a Shark when it is that hot and humid? I was able to clean most of the house in a few hours, except for the outside, which I saved for Saturday morning.

It was supposed to rain all night and into this morning, but it stopped during the night. We woke up to temperatures in the 70s and light breezes and I was finally able to wash the car and clean the porches.

Today, the creek is a little more full:

I'm so glad the hot and humid weather is over for a while and so is McKenna. The poor thing got so overheated the other night that she woke up at 3 a.m. and drank three Dixie cups of water. I put a wet washcloth on her, which I thought she would pull off, but the next thing I knew, she was snoring.

Reminiscing: The Any Oven Cookbook -- Microwave/Conventional Recipes from Saran Wrap

2010-07-08T20:41:00.000-04:00

After surviving my fourth day in a row in 100+ degree temperatures in a house with no air conditioning, any cookbook with the word "oven" in it makes me want to cry. However, for my gentle readers, I will sweat it out and bring you the highlights of:

This book was published in the best year ever--1981. With one exception, which you will find at the end of this post, I have limited my commentary to the color photos. Let's begin with this one:

Here we have bacon wrapped chicken livers, marinated chicken wings (these look more like drumsticks, but what do I know?), and shrimp and cheese canapes. First of all, what a waste of bacon. Second of all, who wants to eat chicken livers cooked in the microwave? Third, who would serve these to party guests?

With a fantastic 80s backdrop of quilted yellow vinyl appliance covers, this next photo features chicken pineapple kabobs and Chinese-style ribs.

I'm not sure how you make the ribs look more appetizing, but those chicken kabobs look like blobs of brain matter next to chunks of epidermis. Ugh.

As if those two dishes aren't bad enough, here is a photo of summer soup and cherry soup. There are no words for that bowl of blood with a lemon garnish...

My objection in this case has little to do with the food. I am frightened beyond all rational thought by the sneers of those totem pole vases holding clippings from Audrey II.

Nothing like a big old fish-shaped shrimp mousse cooked in the microwave...

I have stared at this photo of poached salmon for a long time and I cannot figure out how exactly one could achieve that color and texture, even using a microwave. Maybe the steaks were cut from an albino salmon?

I didn't think there was any way to make tomato aspic any more horrible, but I think that making it in a microwave would definitely push it into horrendous territory.

Wouldn't you be thrilled if a well-meaning neighbor brought these rectangular morsels by your house to welcome you to the neighborhood?

I know what you're thinking--what are those? Well, gentle readers, those are raisin bars, cooked in the microwave "until there are no wet spots on the surface."

And, finally, what I believe to be the worst idea in this entire cookbook (including the bacon-wrapped chicken livers):

A pie crust (yellow food coloring optional) baked in the microwave. How would that even work? Won't the shortening just melt? Won't it sit in your stomach like a hunk of lead when you eat it? Pie crust isn't that hard to make and if you're making a pie, for the love of God, bake the crust in the oven.

Until next time, gentle readers...

Turn Back the Clock

2010-07-05T17:15:00.000-04:00

As I mentioned in my previous post, Leah came to visit this weekend to help me celebrate my birthday. On Saturday, we decided to go to the Sterling Renaissance Festival a little over an hour north of my house.

Here we go...

Based on our observations, there are several categories of people who attend the Sterling Renaissance Festival. We'll begin with the easiest category to describe--people who come wearing the same kind of modern clothing that they would wear to any other Saturday activity. Then, there are several categories of people who dress in costume.

There are, of course, the people who work there who have to wear costumes. While most of them appeared to be comprehensively decent, there were workers wearing peasant clothes and Tevas and I'm fairly certain that I saw a Highlander wearing Crocs with his kilt. The major goal of these costumes appears to be to highlight one's chestal area (for women) and one's knobby knees (for men).

As for the patrons who wear costumes, these come in several flavors:

1. The people who purchase a circlet of dried flowers with ribbons to wear in their hair or who get their hair braided or who get a temporary tattoo or face painting. These people might also purchase a hat or purse from one of the vendors, but they are also wearing shorts and t-shirts with their new "Renaissance" accessories.

2. The couples consisting of one person in fairly complete costume and the other in gym shorts and flip flops. These people tend to make out occasionally while waiting for shows to begin.

3. The couples who are both dressed in full "Renaissance" garb. These people are almost guaranteed to be all over each other in line for food, while waiting for a show to start, or at any other time--making out, grabbing each other, poking at each other's costumes, etc.

4. The middle aged, balding creeper dressed in complete costume. These men mistakenly believe that potential mates will see them in costume and jump on the chance to get together with them. I did not see any of them having much success, but you never know.

All of that said, it is a place where you get to eat and drink while people watching, which is an awesome combination. We began with a glass of wine and a cheese plate as we gathered our strength for the joust.

We were served by the woman below in the costume, who was extremely into her "character," although her coworker "Mandy" was not. "Mandy" refused to speak in a fake accent or use words like "pounds" or "trencher," much to this woman's chagrin. We felt sorry for her because she was so excited. It seems like the organizers could have at least paired her with similarly-minded coworkers.

An authentic-looking cordless drill and trash can.

Time for the joust. First, though, check out the little girl in the center of the photo below. That's what I'm talking about--a Viking helmet, sword, and shield. No princess crown for her!

One of Leah's favorite parts--the guys who looked like Captain Jack Sparrow who were selling pretzels.

The children who got to be part of the opening parade at the joust:

Our knight (or armor man, whichever you prefer), Oren:

Everyone beat up on the green knight and the joust was pretty weak. There were only a few passes, none of them well executed, and then a lot of on the ground sword fighting and punching.

The green knight again. He spent most of the joust rolling around in the dirt.

We were hungry again after the joust, so we perused the food offerings, which included the "fresh fruit and jerky cart."

Our food search was interrupted by the Queen's parade:

Leah got Steak on a Stake:

I had a beef gyro and we both had red wine slushies--delicious.

Next, we went to the pirate show, which we thought would have more action:

Mostly, it was a lot of talking and a few people fell in the water and we got bored and left to eat some more.

After some refreshment, we walked to the stage to see Commedia Dell'Arte, which was supposed to include a select group of professional actors. Apparently they were selected from the dregs of the summer job pool, because most of them were awful and we got up and left.

By that time, it was almost 4:30 and we had seen and done everything that we wanted to, eaten most of the food, and we were dirty and hot, so we decided to head home. We had fun, but I'm definitely glad it was buy one ticket get one free weekend because I feel like for the money they charge, they could do way more with this festival.

We spent our evening laying around and relaxing before Sunday's festivities--details to come soon...

Look to the cookie!

2010-07-05T15:07:00.000-04:00

So, things have been a little crazy with my work lately and I haven't been a good little blogger for my gentle readers, but I'm back with some great stuff. This is the first of several new posts that I am writing now because I have time and because it is 105 degrees here and I am too hot to concentrate on actual work.

This one is all about food--the things that I've been making lately when I have had time and/or it wasn't excessively hot and humid. Let's begin with the cookies referenced in the title, Candy Johnson's Whoopie Pie Cookies as published in the Penzey's catalog.

Here is the recipe:

1 egg

1/3 c. vegetable oil

1 c. sugar

2 c. flour

1/2 c. cocoa powder

1 tsp. baking soda

1/4 tsp. salt

3/4 c. buttermilk

1 tsp. vanilla extract

Filling:

1/2 c. butter, softened

1 c. powdered sugar

1 c. marshmallow creme/fluff

1 tsp. vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease two large cookie sheets and set aside. In large bowl, beat the egg and vegetable oil. Gradually add the sugar and continue beating until pale yellow in color. In another bowl, sift together the flour, cocoa, baking soda, and salt. In a measuring cup, combine the buttermilk and vanilla. While mixing, alternate adding the dry ingredients and buttermilk mixture to the egg and sugar, beginning and ending with the dry ingredients. Drop the batter by tablespoon onto the cookie sheets. These will spread a lot, so make six cookies per sheet at a time. Bake 8-10 minutes, until the top springs back when lightly touched. Remove to wire racks to cool. When cool, spread filling between two cookies to make sandwiches.

For the filling, in a medium bowl, combine all of the ingredients and beat until light and fluffy.

Ms. Johnson adds that her mother would freeze these cookies so that she could thaw a few at a time. They thaw fairly quickly and they are a great evening snack. Very good--thank you Ms. Johnson and Penzey's for sharing the recipe!

Next up, Ina Garten's Pasta, Pesto, and Peas, which I made with fresh peas.

This did not thrill me. I didn't care for her pesto recipe and pesto of any kind would, I think, overpower the peas, which you could barely taste. Since they were fresh peas, that seemed like a waste, but the whole thing was just not good. I ate it one night with grilled chicken and a nectarine/blueberry salad, but didn't keep the rest of it because I just didn't care for it.

Leah came this weekend to help me celebrate my birthday and, since she didn't arrive until later on Friday night, I made a bunch of appetizer/tapa dishes for us to eat when she got here. Here is our spread:

We had grape tomatoes roasted at 400 degrees for 30 minutes in garlic infused olive oil and then mixed with goat cheese with bread to mop up the extra sauce. Not bad, but not my favorite of the dishes I made that night.

We also had one of my favorite Ina Garten recipes--Potatoes with Aioli. I didn't have fingerling potatoes, which are better for this, so I used small white ones instead. Yummy.

Finally, we had small mushrooms stuffed with Boursin and baked in melted butter at 400 degrees. Very good.

I didn't get a photo, but we also had small lime tarts for dessert--graham cracker crust in my mini pie pans filled with lime curd. Delicious and refreshing.

We ended up having a similar dinner the following evening as well, with the addition of bruschetta and fresh cherries.

Too Hot

2010-06-20T21:46:00.001-04:00

Well, gentle readers, this has been one exciting weekend full of trips to the library to obtain massive quantities of books, reading inventories of medieval Dominican libraries, and working in the yard. Oh, and it was over 95 degrees here on Saturday and I have no air conditioning.

So, for your viewing pleasure, the petunias in front of my mailbox that went crazy while I was gone:

Unfortunately, the rest of the plants did not fare so well and were pretty much toast by the time I got back. So, I got some petunias half off to plant in the window boxes:

The flower bed with huge volunteer viola plants:

Another window box:

I stopped to see "Mr. Little Old Man," as Mother of Ken calls the old guy who sells fruit on the corner near my house. Among other things, he had one pound bags of shelled peas for $2 that he got from the Amish. I love peas, so I brought them home, steamed them for a few minutes, and then froze most of them for later.

Fresh peas are delicious--I've got plans to make Ina Garten's Pasta, Pesto, and Peas later this week.

Mr. Little Old Man also had Amish strawberries:

In an attempt to use some of the stuff that has been languishing in my freezer, I made up a new strawberry dessert. I took a sheet of puff pastry, cut it into four smaller pieces, and scored each piece about one inch around the entire rectangle before baking them.

Then, I used a spatula to press down the center part, leaving the one inch edge to hold my filling. For the filling, I made some lemon curd (the Fannie Merritt Farmer recipe) to spread inside each sheet of puff pastry and I topped the lemon curd with fresh sliced strawberries. Some whipped cream would be good, too.

I kept the other three pieces of puff pastry in the refrigerator until I was ready to use them. Tonight's version of the dessert includes blueberries, too:

This is really good--light, refreshing, and flavorful. You could make all different variations of this just using the puff pastry base. I especially liked the addition of the blueberries.

Footloose

2010-06-16T19:34:00.001-04:00

Just when you start to think that a lot of people in this world really suck, you see something that gives you hope. This team disproves my theory that life is a never ending, horrible group project like the ones you were stuck in throughout middle and high school, always playing the role of the "The Responsible One." Now, I can amend my theory to include a large portion of society with a few exceptions, including the young women of Kings Firecrackers. Here is a video of one of their incredible performances (be sure to watch the whole thing).

The Rain

2010-06-15T21:07:00.000-04:00

Well, gentle readers, I'm finally back. I have had extremely limited internet access for the past week or so because of the events of last Tuesday night.

You may recall that last Tuesday, I went to visit Grambi and Aunt of Ken. When I got home, I decided to jump in the pool for a while. I had only been in the pool for about 15 minutes when Mother of Ken came out to tell me that we were under a tornado warning. Since the sky was blue with just a few puffy clouds, we thought that was strange, but the weather can change quickly around there.

Anyway, we spent the evening as we usually do and I took a picture outside after the sun went down just in case a bad storm came so that I would have a "before" picture for my blog.

At about 1:00 in the morning, a relentless noise woke me up. I thought that it might have been a tornado siren, but it didn't seem loud enough, so I rolled over and went back to sleep. Thirty minutes later, I decided that I should get up and see what was going on and I ran into Mother of Ken in the hallway, coming to tell me to "get my robe and slippers" because we needed to go to the basement to take shelter.

I put on my robe and my OKAbs (better than slippers in this situation since they are skidproof and waterproof), grabbed my purse, phone, and computer, and herded the dogs downstairs to the mudroom. The power had gone out, the house was pitch black, a storm was raging outside with strong winds and lightening, and the siren kept stopping and then coming back on, but it still didn't seem very loud. It also shouldn't stop when the power goes out, which I found suspicious.

Anyway, we gathered on the steps going down into the basement, Piper freaked out and ran out the dog door and we couldn't get her to come back, and Boomer plastered his 80+ pound self between me and Mother of Ken. Pretty soon, we noticed that the dog door, which is on the north side of the house, was blowing steadily straight into the mudroom and then the ceiling began to leak. I don't know how long we stood there, listening to the rain and wind with the tornado siren going off and on, but we eventually went back into the house to wait the storm out in more comfortable surroundings since it seemed less and less likely that it was a tornado.

As we looked out the front door, the lightening revealed that several limbs had fallen from the trees in the front yard. We went back to bed around 3:00 with the siren still occasionally sounding, the rain still pounding the house, and extremely strong and loud winds. As Great Grandmother of Ken used to say, "I didn't shut an eye all night."

I had a feeling that we were going to have a lot to clean up on Wednesday morning and I was right. I got up at about 6:30 and here's what I saw:

Thankfully, we didn't have any serious damage at our house--some limbs down, lots of small branches and twigs in the yard and in the pool, and some water damage to the ceiling in the mudroom. Piper was slowly drying out after coming in from the storm soaking wet and we were all walking around like zombies because we hadn't gotten much sleep.

A little later in the morning, the rain finally stopped and I went outside to start cleaning up the yard:

Apparently, the weather antenna was struck by lightening and that's why our weather radio didn't sound. Only one of the tornado sirens sounded, also set off by a lightening strike, so there wasn't actually a tornado threat after all. It turned out that it was just a really bad storm with straight line and microburst winds that did major damage to a few buildings in town.

Here's a house up the street from ours with far worse damage than we had:

The lightening also fried the modem at Father and Mother of Ken's house, which we reported to AT&T on Wednesday. We were told that someone would come to fix it between 8 AM and 8 PM on Thursday. That did not happen. To make a long story short, it ended up taking five days, seven separate phone calls with seven different people, and a lot of patience to get it going again. Needless to say, we aren't very happy with AT&T right now.

Take the Long Way Home

2010-06-08T22:59:00.000-04:00

Today, I went to visit Grambi and Aunt of Ken and I took the long way home to show you gentle readers the Kansas countryside. First, though, check out Grambi's crabapple tree, which is loaded. Crabapple jelly for everyone!

After a day of shopping and a trip through northeastern Oklahoma to get fresh blueberries, I headed home the long way. This required me to drive a Chevy Tahoe on dry gravel roads, which requires some skills that I haven't used since I learned to drive in a Ford F-150 extended cab long bed (slightly shorter than a school bus) on gravel roads when I was 14. For those of you who have never done this, it is like driving on marbles. Apparently Uncle of Ken used to drive down these roads in excess of 90 mph. Father of Ken denies involvement in these shenanigans.

So, I bring you the fields of Kansas in the summer, beginning with "amber waves of grain:"

Also corn:

Probably soybeans:

More corn--I thought it was so pretty with the wind blowing through the fields:

More soybeans, just coming up:

After I got back on the highway and almost back to the town where Mother and Father of Ken live, I got stuck behind a farmer hauling some cattle to the stockyards. That amounts to 45-50 mph on a 65 mph highway. So, I spent some quality time with my future dinner:

Finally, home...

...to Piper and Boomer:

Cherry Bomb

2010-06-07T21:44:00.002-04:00

My apologies, gentle readers, for not posting for a while. To keep a long story short, I'm visiting Family of Ken right now, so traveling has kept me from posting.

Anyway, I'm back with something great. Aunt and Uncle of Ken have an orchard next to their house. I cannot remember a time when it produced more than apples and a few cherries, but this year, the cherries are going crazy. Aunt of Ken reports that the cherries are hanging in clusters like grapes and they have picked more cherries than any of us has ever seen in our entire lives. When everyone came for Sunday dinner, they brought us about four quarts of freshly picked beautiful red cherries:

They were a little tart to eat out of the bowl and we needed to use them quickly, so I made cherry juice this morning while it was cool. Here are the rinsed cherries in the Magnalite pot, ready to go:

I filled the pot with cold water just until the cherries were covered:

I put the pot on the stove between medium and medium high heat:

I brought it up to a simmer and cooked the cherries until the skins split and they released their juices:

Getting close to being done:

There isn't much left of the actual cherries anymore:

Now it's done:

While the cherries finished rendering their juices, I put a clean piece of cheesecloth in a strainer over a large measuring cup:

Using a ladle, I drained the cherry juice a little at a time:

I let each batch drain thoroughly and then I carefully dumped the cherry skins and pits out, put the cheesecloth back into the strainer, and then repeated the process. We ended up with just under nine cups of cherry juice to freeze so that Mother of Ken can make jelly this fall:

Thanks, Aunt and Uncle of Ken! We may be getting fresh blueberries tomorrow and I'm so excited--I love summer ;-)

Strawberry Shortcake

2010-05-23T20:31:00.001-04:00

Strawberry Shortcake was very popular when I was little and Mother of Ken really disliked her and didn't want me to have a lot of Strawberry Shortcake-themed stuff. It's too bad that this annoying little creature ruined the good name of a delicious dessert. That doesn't mean I don't eat strawberry shortcake, of course, but I always think of this when I do:

I was looking for something completely unrelated today and came across a recipe for "Old fashioned Strawberry Cinnamon Shortcake" that I had torn out of the Penzey's catalog a few months ago. Since I just bought some fresh strawberries this morning, I decided to give the recipe a try.

Start by preparing your strawberries as you normally would for shortcake with a little sugar. I just cut up a few strawberries since I only needed a single serving.

For the shortcake, you need the following:

2 c. flour

2 tsp. baking powder

1/3 c. sugar

1/4 tsp. ground nutmeg

1/4 tsp. cinnamon

1/3 c. butter

1 egg

1-4 tbsp. milk

2 tbsp. butter, melted

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Grease a 9 inch round cake pan. In a large bowl or mixer, blend the butter and egg well. Add the flour, baking powder, sugar, nutmeg, and cinnamon (I would also add 1/4 tsp. - 1/2 tsp. salt) and begin mixing. Then, add the milk, starting with 2 tbsp., until it forms a slightly sticky dough. Press the dough evenly into the cake pan and brush with melted butter.

Bake at 425 for 12-14 minutes and then let it cool briefly. You can either cut a piece for an individual serving and split it in half or remove the whole cake from the pan and split it in half.

I layered my split shortcake with fresh whipped cream and strawberries until I ended up with this:

Very good--the addition of the nutmeg and cinnamon is just enough to make it taste different from a traditional strawberry shortcake. I think it takes less time to make this cake than it takes to open a store-bought pound cake or Angel Food cake and it is exponentially better.

Thanks to Cynthia Field and Penzey's for sharing this recipe with the rest of us. I'll be filing this one away for later...

Woman

2010-05-19T19:35:00.000-04:00

Another One Bites the Dust

2010-05-16T22:36:00.003-04:00

Another vestige of The Disgustington's tenure in this house is now gone. I won't go into all of the details, but I spent much of this weekend doing a serious spring cleaning and making some slight changes to the decor of the house. One of the things that I did was replace all of the cabinet and drawer hardware in the kitchen and both bathrooms.

Here is what was in the bathrooms before:

I really dislike things that are made to look like something they aren't--these handles are an example. They appear to have a lock, but it is filled in. Who thought of this? Just make plain handles--you aren't fooling anyone. I have a similar dislike for shirts that are made to look like two tops are layered and shoes that look like normal shoes from the front, but are backless and therefore not real shoes. Anyway, I removed the old ones (and good God, I cannot describe the filth I found beneath that was certainly not my filth) and put on some new handles:

New glass knobs for the medicine cabinet:

The new handle design on the top and the old one on the bottom:

I also dislike handles that look like the ones that swing out when you pull on them, but are actually just stuck out permanently like the one that you see above. I have a lot of opinions about seemingly insignificant things, but you probably already knew that.

Here is the downstairs bathroom vanity with new hardware:

Luckily for me, The Disgustingtons used the same hardware in both bathrooms, so I was dealing with the same measurements for all of the cabinets and drawers. Here is the upstairs bathroom vanity with the old hardware (the kind with the fake locks and permanent swing-out):

New hardware:

The change in the kitchen is much more dramatic. The old hardware was really too country for this house, so I replaced it with something more classic. The filth beneath these was unimaginable--I had to pry several of the handles loose from the same dirt-covered grease that took Mother of Ken and me two days to remove from the stove when I moved in. Here you see one of the new knobs on the left and one of the old ones on the right:

New drawer pull on the top, old ones on the bottom. Kenna especially loves these because the design of the ends is called "paw."

The new hardware is heavier and nicer and it is shiny and new, so I'm hoping that will help us sell the house. Here's what the kitchen looks like now:

In addition to the cabinetry update, I also cleaned all of the windows and window sills, dusted all of the logs and ceilings, washed all of the light fixtures and ceiling fan blades, and cleaned every room thoroughly. Then, we did some work outside, deadheading some of the plants, cleaning the porches, etc. I thought you gentle readers might enjoy some photos of the flowers in the front yard:

The world's largest volunteer viola below:

I tried to get Kenna to sit next to the viola to give you a sense of scale, but she wasn't cooperative. She really just wanted to eat grass and then gag. Fun times.

Doesn't she look exhausted from all of this work?

These Dreams

2010-05-11T21:59:00.000-04:00

Kenna had an exciting couple of days on Friday and Saturday. On Friday, a box came from Mother of Ken. McKenna was sure that Boomer was inside:

She posed with the Box of Boomer:

On Saturday, she had to go to the vet for her annual check up, which included a blood test and two shots. She was exhausted when we got home and spent the rest of the weekend sleeping (for a change).

This one is my favorite:

She's totally healthy and all rested up now. The best part was that she got a new rabies tag that makes a different jingle noise than her old one, which she loves.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

2010-05-11T21:44:00.000-04:00

I bought a new slipcover today because the one that was on the couch was starting to look pretty bad with all of the McKenna snags. This one is pretty different--all cotton with very subtle stripes of neutral colors against a dark red background. Thoughts, gentle readers?

Do we like it? Should it stay or should it go back?

Reminiscing: Amazing Magical Jell-O Desserts

2010-05-10T21:47:00.000-04:00

Okay, gentle readers, I know I promised you clowns peddling Jell-O, but I apparently confused clowns with magicians. So, without further ado, I bring you Amazing Magical Jell-O Desserts with Marvello the Great. Don't worry--Marvello is as creepy as any clown.

He looks like Mr. Peanut on stilts...

This cookbook has some very odd ideas for what you can do with Jell-O. Consequently, the illustrations and photos are quite odd. Here is an example:

What is happening here? Why is the dog chasing that thing that looks like a firecracker or a bomb? I hope MacGyver is around the corner...

Oh, okay, I get it now. That thing is a "Banana Wobbler." What the heck?

I'm sure that "Fred" is thrilled to be presented with this delicacy on his special day. Or, I suppose that you could channel Sandra Lee and use these as place cards.

Creeeepyyyy:

I can totally think of at least ten applications for this method, mostly for Halloween. "Um, I accidentally sliced my pinky while I was plating dessert, but I don't think anyone will notice the blood under the whipped cream topping..."

I think that Post paid these people to feature Alpha-Bits. I know I'm always looking for a good "Whiz" recipe...

Oh, my. This whole book reminds me of Aunt Sandy, also known as "Puddin' Cups" for her unfortunate saggy surgically enhanced breasts and her use of pudding cups in dessert recipes.

These. Freak. Me. Out. Although, I have to say that I'm happy to see multiple ethnic groups represented.

Leah, if I ever throw you a party, I will make all of the food different kinds of "balls." These will be on the dessert table. Nothing like some cereal covered in gelatin...perhaps green for Leah, though.

I have so many things to say about this:

1. This looks like a design for a new inflatable yard decoration, no?

2. So, Santa is wearing glasses/sunglasses while motorcycling through the sky at night?

3. Santa's bike has acorn lights and giraffe wheel covers?

4. Instead of exhaust, Santa's bike spews out stars.

5. He hauls around a dish of Jell-O pudding decorated with candy corn?

You thought you'd never see that crazy rabbit again, didn't you? It isn't enough just to see an illustration of this creation. You will want the recipe and the accompanying photo. Nothing bad could happen when you give children something that is held together with toothpicks, right? Especially when you are supposed to break them in half and then stick them, splinter side in, into the large marshmallow...

All hell breaks loose at the end of this book. The illustrations depict some kind of crazy Jell-O themed costume party attended by Weebles.

My personal favorite is the male ice cream cone who is really getting down. I wonder what song is playing? I'm also pretty excited about the person with the giant donut/bundt cake hat with the circus animals stuck into the top while brown stuff drips down the sides of the hat.

Toot, toot! All aboard the "Gelatin Express!" What is with this book? It goes from the Jell-O costume party to the "Gelatin Express" in the space of two pages.

My best guess is that whoever put this together in 1977, perhaps Marvello himself, was not only high on life, but also on something else. I suppose you'd have to be if your job was to create an entire cookbook of Jell-O recipes with a "magic" theme. I'm posting this book on paperbackswap.com and I cannot wait for a Fandra (a fan of Sandra Lee) to snap it up so that I will have enough credits to get a copy of War and Peace.

Reminiscing: The Ground Meat Cookbook

2010-05-05T21:49:00.000-04:00

As promised, I am bringing some "intriguing ground meat recipes" to you, my gentle readers.

I'm not sure that "intriguing" is a word that I would use to describe food, but maybe it had a different connotation in 1955?

Whoever put this cookbook together either had zero knowledge of how actual animals live or had a strange sense of humor. Check out the cow having a photo shoot right at the beginning of this book:

As I glanced at this page, the word "oozing" jumped out at me. Yes, there are times when this word is appropriately used to describe food, but I don't care for ground meat that "oozes." "Quiz an American on his food preferences and you will uncover a devotee of hamburger, a lover of succulent ground meat oozing in a bun." Whoever wrote this has a way with words, that's for sure.

If you aren't "intrigued" by the meatball Rockettes at the top of this page, then perhaps you will be interested in one of the many "intriguing" recipes below. [BTW, I'm going to start using the word "intriguing" like Dave Barry uses the word "dynamic."]

"Little Sausage Balls" and "Liver Dumplings" here I come...

For Leah:

Also for Leah, "Pork 'n' Apple Balls with Noodles" (two of your favorite words) and for everyone else who has been searching for years for an intriguing recipe for "Heart Patties with Gravy," look no further.

So here's an example of the disturbing illustrations in this book. This page is all about lamb recipes, so the illustration includes lambs. I get it so far. Why is one of the lambs wearing underpants and why is one holding a parasol? I sort of get the impression that they are going for a circus theme here, but besides the one with the ring, how are the other two related to anything that you see in the circus?

Also, "Frosted Lamb Loaf?"

I wonder how many recipes for "jellied loaves" there are from this period? None of them look good and none of them sound good. Why would you waste good veal on some horrible gelatin creation?

Also, I could not help but gape in horror at the photo of the ham loaf served with coffee...

Again, with the strange illustrations. This page includes recipes for "Liver Loaf," "Ham Ring," and "Ham Mousse." Aren't those mice? How do they have anything to do with the food on this page? Are they the only creatures who will eat this stuff?

There are no words... This reminds me of the caperberry gravy that Bridget Jones made for her birthday dinner.

This may be the most disturbing of all of the illustrations. A horse, a cow, and a pig standing in front of an oven, enjoying the scent of ground meat cooking? Horses and pigs have been known to eat meat, I'll give them that. Cows do not eat meat. Cows, therefore, do not not eat ground beef. Why, then, is this cow depicted with its eyes closed in bliss while it's friend sizzles away in the oven? And how insensitive are the horse and the pig in this situation?

Finally, I leave you with an "intriguing" recipe for "Tongue Souffle:"

Keep coming back for more--I've promised clowns peddling Jell-O and I will deliver!

We Didn't Start the Fire

2010-05-05T20:12:00.000-04:00

This sign certainly grabs one's attention. I think McKenna even noticed it as we drove by yesterday.

The following questions come to mind, though.

1. What is the purpose of scaring people with this imagery? To get them to call the phone number?

2. Okay, I called the phone number. There is nothing to indicate what person or group is responsible for the phone number or for the sign. It asks you to enter your party's extension or press zero to speak to an operator. I couldn't bring myself to go that far, so I ask, why don't the people who paid for this billboard provide the name of the organization they represent either on the billboard or in the greeting of the automated phone message? Who are they?

3. Do you think they paid extra to have the billboard space right next to the Harley store (or at least specified the location)?

You know you're in the middle of writing a dissertation when you see something like this and take a photo not just for your blog, but also because you think you might be able to use it for future dissertation presentations.

Express Yourself

2010-05-05T12:41:00.000-04:00

Gentle readers, I am very happy to announce the launch of a new blog dedicated to my jewelry designs (soon to include ornaments and home decor as well): Bijoux.

Thanks to the encouragement of Mother of Ken, I decided to create an online space to display what I have made for myself and for family and friends. Several people have asked about pieces that I have made and whether or not I sell my designs. The fact is that I refuse to get up early enough to attend arts and craft shows nor do I care to churn out piece after piece for the sake of making money, but I am always happy to speak with people about commissioning an original piece.

I hope that you enjoy the new blog as much as I have enjoyed making these pieces.

Reminiscing: 250 Luscious Refrigerator Desserts

2010-05-01T07:26:00.001-04:00

Based on this cover, I expected this cookbook to be pretty terrible:

Apparently, though, it is harder to screw up desserts than it is to screw up snacks. That isn't to say that there aren't some awful things in here--there are a few.

Here is an example:

Yes, that is supposed to be a face. A face made of candied cherries. What I don't know is what the actual food item underneath is supposed to be. I don't see any reference to a candied cherry face in any of the recipes in this book. This face haunts my dreams, though.

Not only does this next page contain a recipe for "Prune Ice Cream," but it also has an unfortunate photo of a dish of ice cream at the bottom.

For Leah: "Almond Balls." Also hilarious: "Ice Cream Swans" (served on a mirror?). Click on the image to read the instructions--very labor intensive. I would not suggest making these when you are also making those sailboat snacks from my last post. Preparation for those two dishes alone would take the better part of a fortnight.

The swans make another appearance alongside an "exquisitely garnished chocolate refrigerator cake" which is "ready for the most elaborate party."

I also want to know what that shadow is at the top of the photo--perhaps a candlestick creeping toward the swans? Or, more likely, the shadow of a party guest projectile vomiting after eating prune ice cream.

Coming soon: a whole lot of fun with ground beef and a Jell-O cookbook written for clowns.

Reminiscing: 500 Snacks (Bright Ideas for Entertaining)

2010-04-26T20:35:00.020-04:00

Gentle readers, this might be the best (read: most horrible) cookbook that I have made fun of to date. This particular copy of 500 Snacks is torn, tattered, and taped, which means that someone used it a lot. That frightens me. So, journey with me into the world of 1940s snacks...

Check out these enticing recipes right at the beginning of the cookbook. Stock up on sandwich bread, olives, and anchovy paste so that you, too, can make "Daisy" and "Igloo" canapes. Don't these look delectable?

Moving right along, we come to the staple of the 1940s American diet, the spread. Fish, meat, cheese--this cookbook has them all, including a recipe for liverwurst spread. The caption for the photo says "The canape tray is in all its glory at a party."

The first thing that I read when I turned to this page was "1/2 cup ground tongue." I think my eyes are trained to look for that word when I read these cookbooks. Anyway, the piece de resistance on this page is the "Pie Canape," which is an indescribable combination of rye bread, garlic, butter, mayonnaise, caviar, parsley, "sieved egg yolk," cream cheese, anchovy paste, Shrimp Spread and Salmon Spread. And look at that photo! This is so complicated and the end result is so horrible--how is this concoction worth all of that work and 1 1/2 ounces of caviar? Also, I can tell that Father of Ken was not involved in creating the concentric circles because they are terribly flawed.

Side note: For special occasions, we used to make baked Brie in a bread bowl when I was younger. Father of Ken, ever the engineer, was always in charge of cutting a perfect circle out of the bread bowl and it was always absolutely flawless. He also used to be in charge of putting my hair in a ponytail with those little hair ties that have the balls on the ends. My ponytail was perfectly centered on my head and no strand of hair was allowed to escape the ponytail holder. I have always had very thick hair, so this was no small feat. I'm sure he was thrilled when I cut my hair short.

Hot Tongue Canapes! Liver Canapes!

I included this page just for Mother of Ken, who loves the word "melange." Doesn't this one sound awful?

Why are they called "Celery Trunks?" That is so unappetizing. How about that tray of crap on the right side of the page?

One of my favorites, the "Jellied Loaf" is featured prominently in the photograph below. That meat tray on the right leaves me at a loss for words, plus there is another tongue-based recipe on that page.

Just for Leah, a whole column of "Balls on Picks:"

Also, a "Ham Mold" and a recipe for "Sail Boats," which seem extremely complicated.

Don't forget about the all-important "Liver Sausage" hors d'oeuvres:

I'm with them on the caption that says "almost anything you like can be rolled in bacon." I'm not with them on the "Gherkins in Dried Beef Rolls" or the "Sardines/Anchovies in Blankets."

I stared at this photograph for several minutes, trying to figure out what those things on the skewers are. They appear to have some kind of coarse coating, but none of the recipes call for anything that would cause that. They look like hush puppies, no?

Mmmm--"Baked Liver Patties!"

Aspic, Father of Ken's favorite. This page is full of some of the worst recipes I have ever seen in a single space at one time AND there is an awful photo to go with them. Here is a sampling of the recipes: "Jellied Bouillon with Frankfurters," "Sliced Veal in Aspic," "Tongue Mousse," and Jellied Calf's Liver." I love the caption: "Frankfurters take on new glamour in this gleaming aspic." Really? 'Cause that is one of the least appetizing molds I have ever seen. I love how the cut hot dogs stand up along the edge of the dish with the sliced eggs in the inner part of the mold. This looks like someone tried to preserve the worst foods of the 1940s in gelatin so that it could become part of the "modern home" exhibit at the Smithsonian Museum of American History forever.

Turn the page, and you get this:

"Whole hard-cooked eggs in this jellied tuna loaf add a gay and decorative note." I wonder, would it be inappropriate to serve this with some "Fish Balls?" Too much seafood?

Having seen so many recipes for "molds," I thought you might like a lesson in unmolding these dishes--here's a step by step guide, complete with photos:

Well, I'm thoroughly grossed out. Enjoy your next tongue-free, mold-free meal!

We're Not Gonna Take It: Commitment

2010-04-18T16:48:00.004-04:00

Remember those group projects in school when one person did all of the work for the whole group? Remember thinking that once you got out of school and into the real world, that wouldn't happen any more? Just me? Well, I obviously failed to take into consideration the fact that the people you were in school with who were unable to do their part of the group project go out into the real world, too, and they continue to behave the same way. As Mother of Ken says, "this behavior works for them."

I am currently on the board of a non-profit organization--I'm actually the "president" of this board, if you will. In this capacity, I try to lead by example. I never ask anyone to do anything that I won't do, I help with every project that needs an extra pair of hands, I take the lead on things that no one else picks up, and if I say that I will do something, I do it. But this isn't about me and I'm not looking for recognition.

This is about me being sick of dealing with people who commit to do something and fail to follow through. Sometimes I feel like I'm in the world's longest lasting and worst group project. If you say that you will help with a particular project, then please follow through with that commitment. Do not whine about how busy you are, how difficult it is to fit this into your life, how much of an imposition this is for you, etc. If the aforementioned are true, then graciously refuse the request for help/participation in the first place.

This seems to be especially true for non-profit organizations. For some people, these organizations are clearly at the bottom of their list of priorities--always the first thing to be set aside when something better or "more important" comes along. Unfortunately, non-profit organizations are a hugely important part of maintaining civilized society, so someone has to step up and keep these organizations running smoothly.

Think about how much more we could do for the world if we all did what we said we would do--how many more people could we feed or clothe or shelter if we worked as an effective group?

I'm going to make a wild guess here and say that it is very likely that if you are busy, etc., etc., but you follow through with your commitments, good things will come back to you and you will still have time to fulfill all of your other obligations. Try it and see if I'm not right.