Thursday, September 3, 2009

Reminiscing: The Rival Crock Pot Cookbook

It seems like I never run out of these cookbooks, although I will admit that this one isn't quite as horrible as some of the others have been. Unfortunately, this one doesn't include any pictures, which I think are usually the best parts of these cookbooks. So, without further ado, I give you some of the most disgusting recipes developed by Rival for the Crock Pot:

I have no problem with slow cookers at all. I own one. I use it occasionally. It saved me from many a horrible meal in the dining hall while I was in college. However, I generally believe that the only reasons to use slow cookers are either to keep food warm when you have already cooked it, to serve as a supplement to your stove or oven when you are doing a lot of cooking, or for foods that just need to cook for a long time. I do not believe, for example, that anyone needs to use a slow cooker to make hot dogs.

Why would you do this? Cook your hot dog in a pan on the stove, grill it--hell, microwave it--all of that will take less than 45 minutes. Who wants to wait 45 minutes for a hot dog?

I love the title for this one. I think I'm going to start adding random words like "abracadabra" to my recipe titles. Plus, I love "sauce-ry." This is one of those recipes where you raid your pantry for any kind of canned soup or sauce that you can find and then you throw it all into the slow cooker and hope for the best. Here's the problem: I don't think that mushroom soup, pork chop cooking sauce (what is that?), sweet and sour sauce, cream of chicken soup, chicken and rice soup, and barbecue sauce would taste good together at all. That just seems like one of the worst flavor and texture combinations since the potato chip crusted pieces of avocado from my last "Reminiscing" post.

In case you were wondering if you could cook organs in the slow cooker, here's your answer:

Okay, now I really want to know. Has anyone out there ever eaten tongue? What is it like? Was it good? How about beef heart? All of the recipes that I have found for organs makes it seem like these were very popular dishes in the 1950s and 1960s. Is that true? I am asking honest questions here--don't be afraid to leave a comment if you have experienced eating any of these delicacies.

The following makes me want to cry and confiscate the saffron supply of anyone who would consider making this dish:

You want paella? Come to my house or try

Why would you try to make a cake in a Crock Pot? Just use the damn oven! That seems less complicated than putting a coffee can or mold in your Crock Pot, cooking it for 5 hours,and then trying to get the cake out of the mold. You could bake the same cake in less than an hour in the oven. This makes no sense to me.

The few photos from this cookbook are on the back cover:

I am pretty sure that until about ten years ago, Mother of Ken had the fake wood model Crock Pot that you see in two of the photos above. I also feel like I know someone who had the one with the drawings of vegetables in the top left photo.

Well, that's it for now, gentle readers. Coming soon: the completion of the porch staining and painting project (and it only took two weeks!).

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