Reminiscing: Better Homes and Gardens Lunches and Brunches

And now, all the way from 1963, I bring you the Better Homes and Gardens Lunches and Brunches cookbook, with both recipes AND meal plans.  This will change your life.

Lunch is about being feminine and dieting, of course.

The opposite page, showing you a delicious "cooling patio lunch" complete with "Firecracker Plums," which are plums filled with cream cheese and walnuts and served whole, sandwich style.  Can you imagine trying to eat that?  

A perennial favorite is, of course, the mold.  In this case, a "Bing Cherry Mold" that looks like...well, when I first saw it, I thought it was a pig head with Jell-O coming out of the mouth, but on closer inspection, I see that it is actually more like a felt hat with a blob of Jell-O bubbling through the top.  What is more disturbing is the fact that the "Bing cherries" look like cherry pie filling rather than the "fresh Bing cherries" that the recipe specifies. 

Although this might look like a gelatin creation, it isn't!  This is a "Ginger Fruit Freeze," which is made of cream cheese, kumquats, dates, maraschino cherries, pineapple, and candied ginger, among other things.  I can definitely see how this would be a great compliment to cheese-ham tidbits.  I think my favorite part, though, is the glass with the wooden handle in the background.

I guess my nightly highball drinking isn't a secret anymore with the wonky scan of this page...  Anyway, here we have yet another mold, this one savory and apparently "tangy" as well.  This is a mixture of...wait for it...wait for it...beef bouillon and lemon gelatin!  Also, tarragon vinegar, sour cream, and vegetables!  I think it looks like a brain. 

More molds!  I guess this is what ladies who diet eat.  This is one of Father of Ken's favorites, as I have mentioned previously: tomato aspic.  But this is no ordinary tomato aspic--this one is filled with potato salad!  Those radish garnishes look like the multi-headed beasts that St. Michael kills (yes, I've been immersed in scary, demonic imagery lately).

If none of the previous recipes appealed to you, perhaps you will be tempted by the "Sandwich Luncheon" spread:

I do love a sandwich topped with egg and served with carrots and celery in pencil cups.

So about halfway through, they dispense with the dieting thing completely and suggest this meal, which includes Fritos, "process cheese," and canned green beans.

I make my lunch every day and take it with me to the office.  I get bored with the usual, but not to worry--this book has solved all of my problems.  As I read the list, I would qualify for the "Career Girl" lunch, which includes chilled fruit, cottage cheese, deviled ham finger sandwiches, a fresh pear, a slice of jellyroll, milk, and grapes for a snack.  This reminds me of the scene in Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion in which they are on the road to Tucson and ask for the "Businesswoman Special" at a roadside diner.  They ended up with cheeseburgers, fries, and Diet Coke, which sounds WAY better than deviled ham finger sandwiches.

Read the paragraph at the bottom for even more swell lunch box ideas.

Love the photograph--the grape juice with a straw, the artfully scattered raisins, the giant pickle, and the green Halloween candy in the lunch box (seriously--what IS that?  It looks like one of those toys you throw on a wall that is supposed to stick and then walk itself down the wall while glowing in the dark, not that I know anything about those.).

Oh, good.  We're back to being on a diet again.  However, I fail to see how a "cheese-stuffed frank" is going to help when I'm on a diet.  Since I'm not into that, maybe I can get on board with the "Slim-trim Luncheon."  Except that includes a pan-fried Baby-beef liver and buttermilk to wash it all down.  Maybe I'll just starve...

Salad for lunch!  I'm cool with that.  Until we get to the tuna ring, which looks like human skin.

Are the "Strawberry-Cream Squares" supposed to look like the Christmas Story pink bunny suit kid has hidden within the creamy layers with only his ears sticking out?

Another ring; this time one that appears to be made of sawdust.

Lessons learned from this book:  ladies should eat molds and Jell-O for lunch and "diet" lunch can include everything from cheese stuffed franks to plain beef broth.  Also, the more unnatural the food, the better it is for you.  

I leave you with the back cover:  

Until next time, gentle readers...

Reminiscing: The Wine in Your Life

There is no date on this charming booklet produced for California: Wine Land of America, but you can probably tell that it has some miles on it.  I really like the illustrations in this one (really, I'm not being sarcastic this time).  There is something cheerful about them.

I am on board with these people--wine and a huge plate of cheese and olives.

Why are things so casual these days?  I would love to attend a dinner party like the one illustrated on the right.  Maybe I'll have to have a dinner party like this some day--bring back the formal dining experience...

Does wine taste better when you are dressed up?  Also, I love it when people find a way to use the word "flourish" in reference to food and drink.

I totally want her outfit!  Also, I have champagne glasses like these that belonged to my great grandparents and I love to use them.  They make me feel like I've been transported back in time.

Ahhhh...I love wine.

Reminiscing: Deluxe Osterizer Recipes

Well, gentle readers, the whirlwind of my life continues and I'm on my way out of town for the weekend.  I promise to stop being so cryptic and explain everything soon.  In the meantime, I've prepared a few new "Reminiscing" posts for you to enjoy over the weekend. 

Let's begin with this cookbook from 1963:

This one is full of a lot of the kinds of recipes you would expect from a cookbook that comes with a blender, so I haven't pulled out too many pages to make fun of.  This one, however, I could not let pass without comment.  

As if the stuffed bunny isn't creepy enough (I have issues with bunnies--long story), the food is horrifying.  The basic idea here is to cook for your family and then blend the crap out of whatever you're eating and give it to your baby.  Check with your doctor first, though.  The food in the photograph isn't identified, but I can assume based on the accompanying recipes that this is a main course of pureed raccoon braised in Two Buck Chuck accompanied by sides of dog food and pureed orange Nerf balls.

If your child survives the introduction of solid foods based on these recipes, you might consider serving something like this for a fancy dinner:

The piece de resistance of this spread is the "Green and Gold Rice Ring" with mushroom filling.

If that ring doesn't strike your fancy, perhaps you should try the "Cranberry Mold" instead:

Soup.  That is some horrible-looking soup.  It looks like it would taste like Bridget Jones' blue soup.

I wish this one had more pictures--I'm sure that some of the recipes are more disgusting in photographs than they sound in print.

Check back over the weekend for The Wine in Your Life.

Reminiscing: 500 Tasty Sandwich Recipes

And an extra end of the week treat, 500 Tasty Sandwich Recipes.  This one was published in 1952, a time when limp celery stalks were considered to be the most sophisticated garnish.

Let's get this party started with a fabulous sandwich tray and some shots of tomato juice!  "With deftness and imagination in garnishing, this dazzling array can be prepared from a few simple fillings and spreads."  Presumably, these include chicken liver sandwiches, chicken and egg sandwiches, cottage cheese and egg sandwiches, cottage cheese and jelly sandwiches, and egg and anchovy spread.

Welcome to the wonderful world of sandwich butters, which you can use to create delicacies like this:

For your next party, don't forget that "flavorful prune bread makes tempting cottage cheese sandwiches."

Mmm...tasty.  How do you get cheese to melt like that anyway?

This, gentle readers, just may be an example of the worst food photograph ever taken:

Bacon cheese rolls on the top and cornucopia sandwiches on the bottom right:

Sandwich loaves are always some of my favorites, especially when they are frosted with cream cheese and made to look like tiny cakes:

Wondering what is going on in the top right photo?  Well, gentle readers, that is a sandwich loaf frosted with cream cheese and then sprinkled with egg yolks!

Closed sandwiches might be more your style.  If so, might I suggest the "Man's Delight" or the "Baked Bean Sandwich"?

We've got some real classics here: tongue sandwiches, ham and prune sandwiches, and Jack Horner sandwiches.  It's always fun to cut them into shapes, too.

I have tried to find a recipe that might shed some light on the atrocity in the bottom right corner, but I still can't figure out what that is supposed to be other than an open faced sandwich.  It looks like asparagus spears piled onto sandwich bread with melted Fruit Rollups on top--that can't be, can it?

Nothing like an "Open-Faced Ham Surprise," is there?  Plus, "asparagus tips make these crowns as gay as a new spring bonnet."

Now we're getting serious--double-deckers and triple-deckers!  Nothing like a club sandwich smothered in cheese sauce, especially if it is a liver sausage club.  Look at the recipe for "Pyramid Sandwiches."  In a single (albeit tall) sandwich, you could eat bread, butter, chicken, Russian dressing, lettuce, eggs, mayonnaise, salt, pepper, tomatoes, cucumber, cream cheese, olives, anchovies, watercress and radishes.

I know I can't wait to make a sandwich now--how about you?

Coming soon:  Oriental Cookery and 250 Ways to Prepare Meat.

Reminiscing: Barmate--Home Bartenders' Guide to Expert Drink Mixing

Okay, so this one isn't so bad (except for the illustrations and lame captions), but it certainly transports one back to an era when roosters were common centerpieces and Big Foot attended cocktail parties wearing glasses and a bow tie.

Now, I wasn't alive in the 60s, so I'll have to ask those of you who were to answer this question.  With all of the hairspray that is obviously required to secure those hairstyles and all of the smoking going on (not to mention the fireplace), this seems like a recipe for disaster.  Were there many small household fires caused by the combination of hairspray and cigarettes?

Lame cartoon #1:

Lame cartoon #2 and an admonition not to use "powdered" sugar in cocktails:

Ahahahahahahahahahahaha...lame cartoon #3:

Lame cartoon #4 for the geriatric crowd:

Straight from Sardi's:

Some recipes for you:

Lame cartoon #...I lost count...  I want to try the Scarlett O'Hara, though.

More recipes, and this page looks like it has seen some action:

Like these glasses?  You can buy them for $3.50 a set!

Reminiscing: Body Building Dishes For Children

One of my gentle readers inquired about how I come to be in possession of these cookbooks after my last "Reminiscing" post.  It all began with a special selection of cookbooks given to me by Aunt and Uncle of Ken for Christmas two years ago.  Since then, Mother of Ken and various other relatives and family friends have contributed to the stack.  I also look for these gems at flea markets and antique stores.  I believe that today's offering comes to us from the antique store up the road from my house and it may be the worst one to date.

So, without further ado, I bring you:

Back in 1952, this is how the Culinary Arts Institute believed children should be fed--let's hope this cookbook wasn't a bestseller.

The captions for these photos are quite something.  For the top left photo:  "A pottery casserole all his own for baked cereal is quite apt to coax the young man to eat."  For the bottom left photo:  "Here is a substantial luncheon dish for healthy, husky appetites."

As if those aren't bad enough, the opposite page has a recipe for "Cream of Salmon Soup," the appearance and texture of which I cannot imagine.

"When prospecting for minerals, consider the oyster, rich in iodine, iron and copper."  The photo of the oyster stew is so awful that it seems impossible to top, but then there's the next page.  Vienna sausages dotting the top of the lima bean chowder and recipes for "Liver Vegetable Soup" and "Liver Soup."

"Poached eggs in croustades on the holiday table make even the snowman bounce with glee."  The snowman only has one eye.  That snowman doesn't care about the poached eggs--he wants to find a stuffed green olive to stick on his face!  He also looks like he has overindulged in egg nog--perhaps that's how he lost his eye?

I can't decide which is scarier--the snowman or this:

"For a really hilarious dinner nothing equals this schoolmate of Donald Duck."  "Hilarious" isn't the word I would use to describe that hideous creature.  How about "grotesque" or "atrocious"?  Hey, Mother of Ken--I have an idea for a centerpiece at our next family dinner...

"For an afternoon of serious roller skating or cycling, fill up tummies with this hot planked fish and vegetable dinner."  Good luck getting anyone, let alone a kid, eat that pile of brain matter and eyeballs.

If that doesn't work, try some good old fashioned liver.  "Liver is your most valuable source of vitamin A and for once-a-week appearance, bake it often and serve with high-vitamin vegetables."  The same page has recipes for kidneys and hearts, so if one organ doesn't tempt their taste buds, perhaps another one will.

On the vegetable front, there's nothing better than artichokes stuffed with...I can't even describe that chunky, gooey filling.  If nothing else works, you can always put vegetables in  a ring mold, which makes everything more appetizing, no?

Some kind of hash?  Those eggs remind me of the summer that I went to art school and we learned how to make things out of this special clay-like substance that you had to bake in the oven.  I made Mother of Ken (who hates eggs in any form as do I, so I still don't know what inspired me) egg earrings that looked just like these eggs.  For posts, I used paper clips.  She never wore them ;-(

I don't know what any of this is supposed to be, but does anyone else see the sad, deformed face of the Gingerbread Man from Shrek in that top right photo?  Just me?

Mmmm...  "Peas cooked in lettuce."  I understand that those white blobs in the bottom right photo are mashed potatoes, but what else is in that dish?

Sandwiches...made with liver and liver sausage on a bed of cottage cheese?  And what is with the turkey cookies?  Why are they such different colors?  

"Zucchini boats with a cargo of buttered crumbs and tomatoes will tempt even the sleepiest."  What does that even mean?  And why did they waste bacon?

Bottom right--bunny salad.  Don't all children want to dig into bunnies that look like those mice that people buy for their cats to play with?  How about some "Clown Salad" or "Duck Salad" or "Jack-O'-Lantern Salad" or "Poinsettia Salad"?  The basic idea seems to be to combine a random can of fruit with some cottage cheese and marshmallows and perhaps a little something green like lettuce and then to give it a seasonal name.

This caption says it all (top right photo):  "Food for the youngest must not be chilled but the others feel very grown up with prunes and cream nestled in cracked ice."  The photo makes it look like vanilla ice cream topped with some blood clots.

Remember the episode of Seinfeld in which Susan brings her doll collection to the apartment she shares with George?  One of the dolls looks like his mother and the rest are scary as hell--that's all I can think of when I look at these photos.  And check out the shadowy creeper in the bottom right corner...

Children of the 1950s, if you were expected to eat any of this, I am very sorry and I hope that you were not permanently scarred by the one eyed snowman centerpiece, the "mock duck," or a creepy doll display presiding over your dessert.

Trying to describe the photos in this cookbook has made me realize how limited my medical vocabulary is.