Thursday, January 7, 2010

Reminiscing: The New Joys of Jell-O

As I mentioned in my last post, I had a successful hunting expedition for more terrible cookbooks, so I bring you the first installment of this new group, The New Joys of Jell-O.

Jell-O obviously spent a lot of time and money on the photography for this book. Too bad they didn't spend as much time and money on the research and testing of the recipes. This two page spread comes at the beginning of the book and I think that it is meant to entice you to read further to find out how to make such delicacies as Jell-O wine, cottage cheese in a carafe, maple syrup cocktails, and I can't even figure out what else.

Here, I would like to call your attention to the recipe for "Molded Tomato Relish," which consists of the irresistible combination of tomatoes, lemon or strawberry gelatin, salt, and vinegar, molded into the tomato can. Well, they certainly are environmentally friendly.

Look, a whole family enjoying a tasty Jell-O based meal in their very own home!

Perhaps a little "Jellied Prune Whip" might sound good? Interestingly, they do not provide a photograph of this dish.

Don't these people look like they are having fun partaking of the Jell-O based delicacies so stylishly presented on the buffet table? It seems to me that the mere combination of people wearing these cutting edge seventies fashions hanging around and eating cutting edge seventies Jell-O dishes has the potential for one crazy partay.

These tarts are supposed to be a "creative pleasure to make" but are they a "pleasure to eat"? I doubt it.

Another two page spread of jellied fantasticness artfully arranged to tempt even the most Jell-O resistant person:

What is that thing in the top left corner?

The Green Goddess Salad Bowl beckoning guests to dig in:

In case you were wondering what is in this "Green Goddess Salad Bowl," I have scanned the recipe. This is one crazy combination of lime gelatin, garlic salt, sour cream, mayonnaise, vinegar, anchovies, crab meat, and avocados:

If the Green Goddess Salad doesn't sound good, perhaps you would care for some "Antipasto Salad." It is an irresistible combination of lemon gelatin, vinegar, salami, Swiss cheese, celery, onion, and olives:

I just can't tell you how much I would like to sit down at this table and dig right in:

Featuring "Jellied Gazpacho"!

This is one terrible combination that would make an Andalusian sing one of those laments they sing from balconies during Semana Santa.

I guess I am just not into this whole using Jell-O to make savory dishes thing.

For some reason, when I look at this picture, I am reminded of the SNL sketch with Will Ferrell and Rachel Dratch as the annoying lovers.

Check out the salad at the bottom left. Yes, those are eggs. I believe that the following is the recipe for this tasty treat:


Again, why are these people screwing up "Spanish" food? Lemon gelatin and tuna? Ugh.

You, too, could have an all Jell-O wedding! Jellied champagne and a bunch of other jellied crap!

This would include "Creamy Bleu Cheese Salad" which features lemon gelatin, cream cheese, bleu cheese, and Dream Whip. Not into that? How about "Salmon Dill Mousse"?

Nothing like a delicious "Molded Potato Salad" to accompany your molded franks and beans and molded burgers.

The kid on the right doesn't look thrilled with his Jell-O creation:

If this hasn't made your stomach churn, I'll be back soon with 500 Delicious Dishes from Leftovers which should do the trick.


Rosie Hawthorne said...

Where do you find these gems?

Leah said...

You know, when they say "molded," I don't think of a Jell-O mold. I think of moldy mold. Which is arguably more appetizing.