Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Do They Know It's Christmas?

Since the holiday season is quickly approaching, I have been receiving a record number of catalogs addressed to the previous resident of this house, Mrs. Disgustington. You may remember from my previous "Do They Know It's Christmas?" post that these catalogs are filled with some interesting gift ideas, holiday decorations, and home decor. Being in possession of these catalogs, I feel that it is my duty to share some of the possibilities with you gentle readers who may not otherwise be aware of them.

I'll begin with some gifts for the sports fan--specifically for those who like football. Gentle readers, I give you The Dork Family:

Trim your tree with one of these--they are even musical!

Stay comfortable while you watch the game in some of these:

After you have adorned both your person and your tree with items supporting your favorite team, be sure that you don't forget about your car:

And don't forget the outside of your house:

I don't quite understand this next one. I get the "joke" of the shirt, but why does the guy have to have the Santa hat and beard? Just because he has a big stomach? Frankly, this guy looks like a 19 year old model that strapped on a 3 month size fake pregnancy belly before he put on the shirt...

Perhaps you could pair the beer gut t-shirt with these lounge pants for an extra special gift. There is just something fundamentally wrong about making lounge pants that look like worn out jeans--what is the point? I seem to recall a similar knit-pants-made-to-look-like-jeans product that someone marketed for about five minutes in 1987. It didn't work then and I doubt it will work now.

And now for some Christmas themed products. First, I have seen these Santa pants candy bags in at least two other catalogs. Who wants to eat candy out of Santa's pants?

I love these themed bathroom rugs. I see them in these catalogs all of the time for various holidays. The Christmas ones are the best, though, and this example of Santa and a chimney-that-serves-as-a-tissue-holder is something else. I once saw one that made it look like Santa had fallen head first into the toilet.

Here we have another "exclusive" item: the dog themed Nativity set. I think I would have used a Chihuahua to play the baby Jesus.

This next item--what do I say about this? I am considering it as a gift for someone I know who collects cow themed items. I am sure that she needs a new vacuum cover.

Who leaves their vacuum out? Don't most people put them in closets or in the corner of a bedroom or something? Or are there people who have to leave the vacuum in the living room and therefore need a cover for it? And why a cow and not just a piece of fabric? I would not want this thing lurking in the corner...

For the hunter in your life:

I cannot tell you how crude some of the items in these catalogs are--I saw at least 15 items that were similar to the one below. I will let the photo speak for itself ;-)

If you've been shopping for a dickie for you or for a loved one, look no further. These are even fleece! I don't understand the point of these, particularly not in fleece.

This next one is just awful. But still kind of funny. But I would absolutely never give these to a friend of mine who had a baby in early April. Never...

These things are so creepy. I was in a store once where someone had one of these on the counter and I thought it was real. The baby versions are even creepier.

Speaking of creepy:

What is this all about? Who is buying these things? What does one do with them?

Finally, the piece de resistance of any properly decorated home:


Leah said...

Hahaha, where to begin...

1. I want a leg lamp like that like you would not believe. That movie is a cinematic masterpiece. "Only one thing in the world could've dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window." Amazing.

2. That monkey thing haunts my nightmares.

3. I think Mary might kill you if you buy that pacifier for her kid. I would.

4. I want a cow thing like that for my vacuum. Only instead of looking like a cow, I want it to look like Christian Bale.

5. Doesn't a Santa toilet seat cover make it look kind of like Santa is eating your rear end when you sit on it?

6. Why do they always use the Steelers-themed item as the main exhibit in the ads for football stuff? It's not like Steeler fans are particularly crazy, and will buy all that stu....oh, wait. Nevermind.

Rosie Hawthorne said...

I'm obviously getting the wrong catalogs.

Mary and Larry Smerk said...

Please, no. Luckily, he never took to a regular pacifier.

Ken said...

Okay, okay, no buck tooth pacifier for the little guy. Actually, I have a passionate hatred of pacifiers.

And Rosie--I could help you get the "right" catalogs...

Leah--I would buy the leg lamp for you if it weren't so expensive. I usually only spend about $2 on your Christmas present ;-)

Leah said...

Lucky for you, I spend more than $2 on you. You're getting an entire Santa ensemble for your bathroom! And also a vacuum cover shaped like a bird. ;-)

Melissa said...

Where to begin!
1) The "Dork Family" clearly is how my family shall look once day. They're Packers fans, not Dorks.

2) The slipper socks are awesome. Of course, I have a Packers knit hat, scarf and mittens set.

3) OOH! I do not have a Packers steering wheel cover. Sadly, standard covers do not fit my sporty steering wheel.

4) I kinda thing the Santa Claus toilet thing is neat, although I would never allow that to mess up my bathroom decor.

5) My vacuum lives in my bedroom next to my nightstand because of the four closets this apartment has, none have room for a vacuum.

6) The pacifiers are hilarious! I particularly like the pig one.

7) I know two friends who want a leg lamp. One of them commented above me.

Off topic - my word verification word is "humpahan". What the heck is a han and why do I want to hump it? Is it coincidental that Grey's is on and Erica and Callie are getting it on...hence, hump a Hahn. Ha.

Ken said...

So, are you saying that you want a cow vacuum cover? 'Cause I could make that happen...